WOOF WOOF: Week Ten

[kshutchins]

Beanpot's League:

 

Greenville Mayhem 109, Dot the I 86. Mayhem's record is now 10-0-0. Dot the I had a shot but failed to drop Kenny Britt (out for the season) and replace him with either NE/TE Rob Gronkowski (27) or Jax WR Mike Thomas (24) who would have added enough points to defeat Mayhem. This curious decision and its result failed to narrow the margin between Mayhem and Dot in the standings.

 

In keeping with the Browns Board's tradition of class and erudition, I offer this uplifting moment of inspiration. What to do with a goose egg (Huskymania take note):

 

Another Goose Egg: From the lofty heights of last week's success, Huskymania fumbled and tumbled to depths previously unplumbed. The almost-all-Packer squad recorded zero points. For the whole team. Altogether. Total. Even the lone, active, non-Cheesehead, Seattle's TE John Carlson, contributed nada. All other listed players were on a bye. This unparalleled scoring vacuum compels us to award Huskymania the Golden Barrel Cactus Trophy in recognition of the most painful performance of the season. Even though the remaining 'Mania roster probably would not have been able to score enough points to win, a team of active players was available but left idle. This provides a perfect opportunity to remind everyone: Put in your best team every week even if you're in last place! It keeps games interesting, competitive and more fun. Plus, you never know when an upset can change the face of the playoffs or cost someone a Viagra.

 

Huskymania may be sitting on a cactus, but their opponents, The Usual Suspects, are sitting pretty in second place while clutching both the Toyota and Viagra Awards. The Suspects' 129 points feels like overkill under the circumstances but is impressive and worthy of the awards nonetheless.

 

Beanpot appeared to be hedging his bets as he fielded a team that included both Tom Brady and the Pittsburgh Defense. Brady (31) got the better end of the deal as he overwhelmed the Pittsburgh D (-1). Dez Bryant (15), Larry Fitzgerald (15) and a few other guys added to the effort that extended Beans' winning streak to 5. Beanpot remains firmly entrenched in the battle for a playoff spot. Opponent TexChainsaw Massaquoi's pitiful performance was punctuated by the absence of a kicker. Both kickers on Chainsaw's roster were on byes, begging the question, why didn't you drop one to pick up someone who was active, Tex? Hmmmmm? And the winner by a wide margin was Beanpot, 97-51.

 

After winning 75-49, T's Jelly Donuts were overheard offering consolation cakes to Insert Clever Name. Apparently Big T borrowed the Great Zomboni's crystal ball and "saw" that he would not need a kicker to win. This was another case of the GM leaving the kicker slot occupied by a player who, uh, didn't play. It didn't really matter to the score but it's almost as rude as offering someone a twinkie retrieved from the skinfolds of one's mascot. T's current "motto" refers to the team icon: "if i looked like this fat cat i would be able to hide twinkies between the overlapping rolls." I'd say that rates high on the ick factor scale. The Jelly Donuts have clawed their way up to 9th place, leaving Insert Clever Name in charge of the wine cellar and basement beer bong.

 

Zombo's WildDawgs vs. Calfox KosarDawgs was a dawg eat dawg fight to the finish. The score was Zombo 91, Calfox 81 pre-Monday Night Football. "Paybacks, Zombo. I still have (DeSean) Jackson and Philly," taunted Calfox with a grin. By the time the dust had settled, Jackson had tallied 14 and Philly's defense racked up lucky 13. Final: Calfox 108, Zombo 91.

 

Navdawg's Browns and Ballantyne Buckeyes have fought hard for every victory this season. This week they faced off against each other in a battle for honor and, let's see.... 7th place. The Ballantyne Buckeyes emerged bloodied but victorious, 91-63. The Buckeyes' Hines Ward (0) was knocked out of the game but is expected to return to action this week.

 

Oreo's League: <----- What's left of Oreo.

 

Does DD's stand for "Deal with the Devil?" How else do you explain this? Michael Vick 47; Dwayne Bowe 37; Fred Jackson 26; Indy's D 20, etc. Total points 172. In 1990's parlance, DD's opened up a can of whup-ass (aka whoop ass) on Lambdo's Air Show. The Air Show was not only grounded, they crashed and burned with a paltry 52 points. DD's take home the coveted Viagra and Toyota prizes.

 

Kentucky BarnBurners declared: "The last time I let that sweet face fool me, I ended up with cat scratch fever." He was referring, of course, to sweet, sensitive Oreo who responded by sharpening her claws:

 

The ensuing contest WAS a real barnburner. The former fluffy, lovable feline, Oreo, is now reduced to nothing more than a trail of furballs. PETA and the SPCA have both been notified. BarnBurners 111, Oreo 103.

 

The Bronx Bombers threw in the towel, waved the white flag, packed it in and otherwise acquiesced to Beanpot who brought home the bacon 103-31. Beanpot's Tom Brady (31) matched the scoring total for the Bombers. Sheesh.

 

Dirty hands 77, The Hammer 76. Dirty hands is trying to figure out who to thank: Calvin Johnson (24)? Brett Favre (1)? Marion Barber (4) who was only expected to score 3? Opponent, The Hammer, discovered the search for a single point was akin to the quest for the Holy Grail. If Monty Python were coach of The Hammer, he would be compelled to fart in the general direction of most of the team. Randy Moss (2), Rashard Mendenhall (5), and Baltimore's D (2) stunk up the place. Adding insult to injury, RB Ryan Torian was listed as active but re-injured a hamstring in pregame warmups and was unable to play. Bad luck for The Hammer.

 

You be the judge: Did Ben There Raped That deserve to lose? 1) He started both Braylon Edwards and LaDainian Tomlinson against Cleveland. 2) He benched Little Ben Roethlisberger. 3) He started Peyton Hillis 4) He scored fewer points than his adversary. Kamac 19 (the adversary in question) started Carson Palmer (11) and relished inspired play from Mario Manningham (22) and Maurice Jones-Drew (21). Kamac 92, BTRT 82. "Carson Palmer was able to win SOMEthing this week, even if it was just a fantasy game." smirked Kamac. (or so I heard)

 

hammertime lost the services of Hines Ward when he got conked on the noggin. The result was a gain for Choo Choo's' Mike Wallace, who caught 29 points worth of passes that might otherwise have gone to Ward. It was a critical shift that cost hammertime dearly. Pittsburgh's Defense (-1) didn't help and Colt McCoy (10) wasn't able to make up the difference. Choo Choo's 95, hammertime 51.

The Heidi Report

 

why cant we win 4-6-0 155, Tecmo Bo 5-5-0 97

Just call him butter cause he's on a roll. why cant we win has won again to defeat Tecmo Bo to make it 3 wins in a row.

Top scorers : why cant we win: Michael Vick 47, Mike Wallace 29

Tecmo Bo: Matt Cassel 31, Anquan Boldin and DeSean Jackson both with 14

 

ImisstheKosarDays 3-7-0 103, Ballantyne Bruisers 6-3-1 115

In this double/triple digit game it was Ballantyne Bruisers that came out on top this week. Both teams scored above the projected outcomes. Is it me or are there more triple digit scores this year than previous seasons?

Top scorers: ImisstheKosarDays: Tom Brady 31, Felix Jones 17

Ballantyne Bruisers: Brandon Lloyd 24, Ben Roethlisberger 23

 

lets go browns 4-6-0 46, fatherof3 7-3-0 68

Although this is the lowest scoring game this week, there is still a winner and that is fatherof3 even though he scored under his prediction. The kids can still be proud of Dad and don't have to tell their friends Dad lost a fantasy football game and can hold their heads up high.

Top scorers: lets go browns: Eli Manning 16, Chris Johnson 14

fatherof3: Chad Ochocinco 18, Payton Hillis 14

 

RunninUover 3-6-1 107, Nw220 5-5-0 73

RunninUover came out on top this week with his victory over Nw220. Although Nw220 had a respectable outing, it wasn't enough to snag a "W" in week 10 but it keeps him at 5 wins and 5 losses (not bad). He tasted the tire tracks when he was run over.

Top scorers: RunninUover: Dwayne Bowe 37, Steven Jackson 23

Nw220: Frank Gore 18, Jeremy Maclin and Dez Bryant both with 15

 

Brownies 2-8-0 74, Cleveland Steamers 8-2-0 109

Unfortunately for Brownies, it was his turn to play Cleveland Steamers which means it was his loss and Cleveland Steamers gain. This seems to be the theme in this league but like everything else that can change. Brownies finished 2 above the projected score but Cleveland Steamers finished 20 above his.

Top scorers: Brownies: Mario Manningham 22, Mark Sanchez 21

Cleveland Steamers: Andre Johnson 24, David Garrard and Mike Williams both with 20

 

My Helmet's 2Tight 7-3-0 142, stewartcj1 5-5-0 74

Last but not least, we come to League 3's Greatest Fantasy Victor this week, My Helmet's 2Tight gets the honor with a +68 point win over stewartcj1. While Helmet did a slight happy dance in the endzone, they know there are teams right behind them so they made it a low key happy dance and tried to show stewartcj1 some respect.

 

Top scorers: My Helmet's 2Tight: Kyle Orton 29, Calvin Johnson 24

stewartcj1: Matt Schaub 18, Tim Hightower and Greg Olsen both with 11

 

Week 10 Standings

 

1) Cleveland Steamers Streak-- W-2

2) My Helmet's 2Tight Streak--W-1

3) fatherof3 Streak---W-5

4) Ballantyne Bruisers Streak--W- 2

5) Tecmo Bo Streak-- L-2

6) Nw220 Streak-- L-1

7) stewartcj1 Streak-- L-2

8) why cant we win Streak-- W-3

9) lets go browns Streak-- L-3

10) RunninUover Streak --W-2

11) ImisstheKosarDays Streak--L-4

12) Brownies Streak--L-7

 

The Great Zomboni

 

In a big battle with Inglewood Jack, Mr. Freeze's Snowmen held on to the lead in League 4 with an exciting 113-106 victory. The two teams combined for 229 points and Michael Vick didn't even play in that one. Mike Wallace's garbage points against the Patriots sealed the deal for the Snowmen on their way to their fourth straight victory ... although there is no such thing as garbage time when it comes to adding up fantasy scores.

 

Meanwhile, Bermeck's KY Hicks stayed just a game back by winning their third straight contest in a very close match with Calfox's KosarDawgs 96-92. Cal was the recipient of 31 points from Tom Brady, but still fell short due to Bermie getting 37 from Dwayne Bowe (in garbage time).

 

Polk High also remained a game back by pulverizing the sad sack Real McCoy's 116-72 and earning Viagra High Scorer of the Week honors. The McCoys actually had the lead going into Monday Night, however the Polksters had something up their sleeve ... Michael Vick.

 

The Big Bad Dawgs remained a game-and-a-half back by drawing the lot we all dreamed of ... getting the Huskymania during the Packers bye week. The BBD scored 78 points, but could have sat everyone but their kicker, David Akers and still won 12-11. Johnny Knox kept the world's laziest owner from getting shutout in two leagues ... yes, he still starts two guys on IR ... and yes, he's still ahead of me in the standings. Sigh.

 

The Flea Flickers bounced back into contention with a 92-80 win over Jumping Jack Flash. Mario Manningham was the high score for the Flickers, and in a case of "like father, like son" the Flash started Chad Henne at QB even though the whole football world was aware of the fact that he had been benched. Let's see if he changes it by Thursday's game.

 

Finally, the Werewolves of Linden resumed their losing ways after breaking through with a win last week, as they were beaten rather soundly by the TXChainsawMassaquois 97-70. Mike Thomas' miracle Hail Mary catch topped off his game high 24 points of production.

[why cant we win]

UGH no heidi update yet sigh lol i love reading this

[BrownsReds]

Thanks Oreo. Wish this was a money league!!

 

DD

[Cowsrus]

UGH no heidi update yet sigh lol i love reading this

 

 

No worries, it's in Kathy's inbox as we speak so it will be posted soon.

[JohnG71097]

In light of what happened last week regarding lineups etc

 

I humbly decline the Viagra award and wish to let it carry over to this week

 

So someone can have one helluva party

[calfoxwc]

I love these write-ups. LOL

[Mr. T]

I voted for the T, since my team has made it out of the cellar I expect great things.

[Mr. T]

Beanpot's League

Kentucky BarnBurners declared: "The last time I let that sweet face fool me, I ended up with cat scratch fever." He was referring, of course, to sweet, sensitive Oreo who responded by sharpening her claws:

 

The ensuing contest WAS a real barnburner. The former fluffy, lovable feline, Oreo, is now reduced to nothing more than a trail of furballs. PETA and the SPCA have both been notified. BarnBurners 111, Oreo 103.

 

The secret was in the catnip, just add a few sprinkles and fluffy was purring like a kitten.