WOOF WOOF: Final Report

[kshutchins]

Writing about these fantasy teams each week can be surprisingly challenging. I know the folks who participate in these leagues check the results and already know what happened but we want to add a little fun and draw the leagues together so I look for inspiration in the oddball things that happen to put together my part of the reports. The last couple of weeks I've procrastinated and haven't made reports on the playoffs. I told myself that I was avoiding the computer in order to make time for family, friends, work projects and the like but the truth is, I've been uninspired. Then this morning I sat down and watched a Happy New Year greeting from a friend of mine who always has a unique message to share. If you'd like to see it, it will be three minutes of your time well spent: http://www.wimp.com/littleimperfections/

 

Even if you didn't watch the video, you'll note that the title mentions little imperfections and these are the things that I've focused on in the leagues because the flaws give them their charm and make fantasy football both exasperating and fun.

 

Beanpot's League: Beanpot is really the Jedi master of fantasy sports. A few years ago he twisted my arm to get me to put together these writeups. This year my team, Greenville Mayhem had a miraculously successful season (13-1) and it was that little imperfection, the one loss, that made the season for Zombo. Of course, Mayhem took a dive in the playoffs after injuries destroyed the chemistry of the squad, but the season was still fun. Quarterback #3 for the season just couldn't pull off the necessary points. The Usual Suspects, however, rounded up a group of questionable players and misfits to win 84-73 and tied down 3rd place.

 

This season Beanpot suffered the frustration of having the highest overall points for while lagging behind in the standings. In the end, he brilliantly handled the playoffs and won it all. Of course, this will cause others in the League to accuse the commissioner of some shenanigans but it's all in good fun. We all know that Beans is as honest as the day is long and just happens to have an encyclopedic knowledge of the players. He also has the attention span required to look at the details each week. His diligence was appropriately rewarded by knocking off The Usual Suspects and Calfox in the playoffs to win it all. 84-50. Calfox managed 23 points from Arizona's Defense but rookie Colt McCoy gave up -2. Calfox was a good sport this year and put together a mysteriously good team. He also provided some quotable quotes which helped make my job easier. This week was no exception as he aptly described his final matchup of the season: "Good luck, BEANS !!! This has been fun, as always. We gave it our best, but you are also a steamroller. What a LINEUP !"

 

I've picked on Zombo's WildDawgs all year and why stop now? Zombo choked in the consolation roud of the playoffs, losing both games. Why do we love you, Zombo? Win or lose, you always keep your sense of humor. The Ballantyne Buckeyes quietly trudged through the season and concluded with a 72-60 stomping of The Great Zomboni.

 

Dot the I ran off with the final Viagra trophy of the 2010-11 season thanks to Hakeem Nicks. Before he broke his toe, Nicks managed a 16 point performance. Johnny Knox (22) and New England's D (24) pushed Dot the I's total to 101. Texas Chainsaw Massaquoi put together an impressive trio in Jay Cutler (26), Jamaal Charles (23) and kicker Sebastian Janikowski (19) but only totalled 87 points in the final clash. Is 19 the highest total for a kicker this season? If I could remember this stuff, it would really help me out.

 

Kudos to:

Huskymania, whose nearly all Green Bay team came with a truckload of imperfections that made the season interesting.

NavDawg's Browns looked good on paper and stuck with it even through 7 losses in a row.

T's Jelly Donuts always had an amusing quip and just enough victories to keep us on our toes.

The "most imperfect" award goes to Insert Clever Name. Every season someone has to be last and you handled the ignominy with grace. Glad you were there to keep the basement neat and tidy.

 

*1. Beanpot 10-4-0 .714 1384 1080 W-9 11 15

*2. Calfox KosarDawgs 8-4-2 .643 1191 1139 W-1 1 9

*3. The Usual Suspects 9-5-0 .643 1299 1023 W-2 8 36

*4. GREENville Mayhem 13-1-0 .929 1210 975 W-1 10 7

5. Dot the I 8-6-0 .571 1270 1102 L-2 9 19

6. TexChainsawMassaquoi 7-7-0 .500 1136 1160 L-1 5 3

7. Ballantyne Buckeyes 6-8-0 .429 1016 1133 W-2 6 25

8. Zombo's WildDawgs 6-8-0 .429 1138 1146 W-2 7 22

9. Huskymania 5-9-0 .357 910 1113 L-1 4 7

10. Navdawg's Browns 4-9-1 .321 1033 1221 L-7 3 12

11. T's Jelly Donuts 4-9-1 .321 940 1131 L-2 12 22

12. Insert Clever Name 2-12-0 .143 949 1253 L-8 2 7

Oreo's League:

When a cat (literally) is the commissioner, you know there's going to be some scratching and clawing going on.

 

The final game of the season was (literally) a real barnburner: DD's against Kentucky Barn Burners.

DD's maintained a calm demeanor and a stony silence going into this key contest. The Barn Burners stuck pins in a Michael Vick doll while murmuring, "I hope a dog trips vick up while walking into the stadium and he is unable to play tonight." Dogs still steer clear of Vick so he was able to deliver 15 key points. DD's came out on top, 92-90 to finish the season as top dog.

 

Beanpot knows how to finish the season strong. His 104-96 victory over Choo Choo's delivered the third place trophy. Choo Choo's steamed along with 18 points from Peyton Manning and Arian Foster. Fuel was added by Greg Jennings, Hakeem Nicks and Mike Wallace with 16 each. In the end, the train was derailed, finishing in 4th.

 

Oreo's team had her claws sharpened for the playoffs and wound up with the "best finish by a cat" trophy. It wasn't a very impressive performance, only 57 points, but it still left Lambdo's Air Show licking his wounds with only 47. Oreo demanded, and was given, extra treats as a reward.

 

Kamac didn't think the final faceoff of the season was much fun but The Hammer had a big time watching Josh Freeman throw 5 touchdown passes for 35 points and the win. Hammer 90, Kamac 52.

 

Thanks to hammertime, dirty hands, and Ben There Raped That, who were all in the running for a playoff spot to the very end.

We all hope the Bronx Browns learned a lot about fantasy football this year! Maybe the Bronx Browns AND the Cleveland Browns will have better seasons next year.

 

 

*1. DD's 11-2-1 .821 1326 1030 W-2 7 21

*2. Kentucky Barn Burner 10-4-0 .714 1182 1098 W-1 10 21

*3. Beanpot 9-4-1 .679 1263 1105 W-3 9 10

*4. Choo Choo's 8-6-0 .571 1289 1081 L-1 3 7

5. Oreo's Team 7-6-1 .536 1154 1143 W-1 4 4

6. Lambdo's Air Show 6 6-8-0 .429 1140 1329 L-1 6 15

7. The Hammer 6-7-1 .464 1134 1168 L-2 2 17

8. Kamac19 6-8-0 .429 1088 1101 W-3 8 9

9. hammertime 6-8-0 .429 967 1053 L-1 11 6

10. dirty hands 6-8-0 .429 907 1017 L-4 5 4

11. Ben There Raped That 5-9-0 .357 1225 1167 L-3 1 5

12. Bronx Browns 2-12-0 .143 804 1187 W-1 12 9

The Heidi Report:

Well, the moment we have all been waiting for has arrived. The regular season is over and the playoff games have all been played. Santa has come and gone, the presents have been unwrapped and some were given virtual trophies left under the tree. For League 3 the results were as follows:

 

Congratulations to League 3's Champion Cleveland Steamers. Great job. Your Virtual Trophy will be in you case after week 17 if I'm not mistaken and you will have your bragging rights for an entire year and your name will go on the front page of The BrownsBoard for all to see.

 

The rest of the winners are:

2nd Place: My Helmet's 2Tight

3rd Place: Ballantyne Bruisers

Trophies will also be awarded after week 17 has ended.

And 4th Place goes to fatherof3.

 

The results of the Consolation games are

The 5th place game goes to ImisstheKosarDays

The winner of the 7th place game is RunninUover

 

Summaries of the games:

 

The battle for the title between Cleveland Steamers and My Hemet's 2Tight was won by Cleveland Steamers by a score of 67-49. Not a high scoring game but enough to make Helmet hang herself with the leftover garland from the tree. Cleveland Steamers jingled his bells all the way to the Championship and was kissing everyone under the mistletoe and spreading the holiday spirit all around. The Top Scoring Elves for Cleveland Steamers were: Arian Foster 18 and Rashad Jennings with 7 swans a-swimming. My Helmet's 2Tight: Percy Harvin 13 and Phillip Rivers and Mason Crosby both with 9 Ladies dancing.

 

It was Tecmo Bo that was run over by a reindeer instead of Grandma in a sleigh driven by RunninUover with a holly jolly win of 97-89. Tecmo Bo got his tinsel in a bunch because it was he that had the advantage with more projected points but he ended up with a bitter lump of coal this year. He was last seen sulking in a corner with a giant glass of egg nog heavy on the bourbon sharpening a candy cane and threatening to punch out Rudolph's shiny nose. Their Top Scoring Elves were: RunninUover: Carson Palmer 29 and Dwayne Bowe 22. For Tecmo Bo: Matt Cassel 25 and Greg Jennings 16.

 

The final Toyota Greatest Fantasy Victor of this year is ImisstheKosarDays with his win over Nw220 with a score of 100-74 and with a +28 points. Old St. Nick was up on the rooftop click, click clicking and came down through the chimney with a final win for ImisstheKosarDays this week. Upset Nw220 who had the better W-L record was overheard calling Mrs. Claus a ho, ho, ho and licking all of the cookies left for the fat man. He later apologized to Mrs. C. and went on to enjoy the festivities with the chief female elf at the "North Pole". Their Top Scoring Elves were, for ImisstheKosarDays: Kellen Winslow 25 and Tom Brady and Matt Forte both with 20. And for Nw220 they are, Payton Manning 18 and Neil Rackers with 15.

 

The contest for 3rd place between Ballantyne Bruisers and fatherof3 went to Ballantyne Bruisers taking the fruitcake, The final score was a 10 Lords a-Leaping points difference. He fought like Comet and Dasher fighting over the last bit of magic feed corn in his quest for that trophy and won. fatherof3 felt like he was Tiny Tim and had his crutch kicked out from under him but this fatherof3 should be proud of the effort he has shown all season and hopefully Santa left a bike under his tree with a big brown and orange bow on it although he may have wanted Red Rider BB gun instead. But I have to say, you'll shoot yer eye out kid! These teams Top Scoring Elves were as follows: For Ballantyne Bruisers they were, Aaron Rodgers 33 and Hakeem Nicks with 16 and for fatherof3 they were Jay Cutler 26 and Mike Williams with 17.

 

The Final Standings Are:

1) Cleveland Steamers

2) My Helmet's 2Tight

3) Ballantyne Bruisers

4) fatherof3

5) ImisstheKosarDays

6) Nw220

7) RunninUover

8) Tecmo Bo

9) stewartcj1

10) why cant we win

11) lets go browns

12) Brownies

 

Congratulations to all of the trophy winners of course but congratulations to all the teams in this league for playing hard all the way to the end. May you have a very safe and Happy New Year. I wish the same to everyone here at the BrownsBoard and their families. I wish you all a peaceful prosperous year to come. And a big thank you to Kathy, Zombo and Stan and everyone who helps to contribute to these games and to this board. See you next season!

The Great Zomboni

 

Congratulations BigBadDawgs!

 

StandingsSchedulePlayoffsAll Time

Rank Team W-L-T Pct Pts For Pts Against Streak Waiver Moves

*1. BigBadDawgs 8-5-1 .607 1221 1026 W-1 8 6

*2. Team InglewoodJack 10-4-0 .714 1246 1073 W-4 11 37

*3. Bermeck's Ky Hicks 9-5-0 .643 1015 997 L-2 12 9

*4. Mr. Freeze's Snowmen 10-4-0 .714 1274 1138 L-2 9 11

5. Polk High 8-6-0 .571 1215 1273 L-1 2 8

6. TXChainsawMassaquois 7-7-0 .500 1270 1056 W-1 4 47

7. Calfox KosarDawgs 7-7-0 .500 1231 1167 W-4 5 10

8. Flea Flickers 7-7-0 .500 1207 1173 W-1 3 7

9. Jumpin' Jack Flash 6-8-0 .429 943 1071 L-6 7 1

10. Huskymania 6-8-0 .429 781 985 L-1 1 4

11. Werewolves of Linden 3-11-0 .214 1066 1289 W-2 10 29

12. Zombo's Real McCoys 2-11-1 .179 909 1130 L-1 6 29

 

 

It was a fabulous season! Congrats to the winners and thanks to everyone who took part. A great big THANK YOU to Heidi and Zombo for all they did to keep Browns Board Fantasy Football fun. God willing and the creek don't rise, we'll see y'all next season! A happy, healthy, prosperous New Year to all. Keep your eye on those imperfections; They make life interesting.

[Mr. T]

I enjoyed all of the updates, my hats off to all of you who contributed.

 

maybe we can a few shots of Heidi for the cheerleader thread.