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Christmas gift idea for woodpecker


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You have a weird obsession with me woodypeckerhead.


A. No, I have an always vigilant sense of self-defense. You can't leave

anything I post alone. Always with nonsense assholish "one-liners".

Why you feel that's entertaining, or how you feel it makes you look at

least a tiny bit smart... I have no idea.


B. You keep it up, and I'll just keep trying to teach you not to be a woodpecker. It

may be impossible..... your brain must be far, far smaller than your limp beak.

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that was woody? I believe it.


There were five places of worship in a small Ohio town: a Presbyterian church, a Baptist church, a Methodist church, a Catholic church and a Jewish synagogue. Each church and the synagogue had a problem with woodpeckers.
The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their woodpeckers. After much prayer and consideration they determined the woodpeckers were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.
At the Baptist church the woodpeckers had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a 2 miles water slide on the baptistery and let the woodpeckers ride their way out of town. But the stupid woodpeckers liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to stupidly fly back
to the beginning so twice as many woodpeckers showed up the following week.
The Methodist church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creatures. So, they humanely trapped their woodpeckers and set them free near the Baptist Church. Two weeks later the woodpeckers were back when the Baptists took down the water slide.
But the Catholic Church came up with a very creative strategy. They baptized all the woodpeckers and consecrated them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.
Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue, but it's rumored that they took one woodpecker named woodypeckerhead... and circumcised him and they haven't seen a woodpecker on their property since.
The End
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