Calfox's Goofball Quest to Slay the Dragon

[calfoxwc]

This is mostly for anybody new here, it's a comedy-drama about American politics, using

Joseph Campbell's "monomyth" theory as a part of the basis upon which I just sat down

and wrote it without any structure, or legit literary intent. It's also based on my recollection of

"Monty Python and the Holy Grail" as far as nonsense goes, and more appropriately, my memories

of doing my research in college on the quest for the Holy Grail, by Parsifal, a knight of the Roundtable.

There is no intent to warp anyone's psyche, or at worst, make anybody lose his lunch. My apologies

if nobody is entertained.. But due to Cysko's annoying many requests...here it is: **********************************

Chapter One - The Beginning

It was a dark and stormy night.

No, wait, that's not right. The full moon was out, and Calfox was stalking skunks out in his 14 acre field of dreams.
But alas, no liberals could he find. He walked to the edge of their woods, and down the old grown up road,
towered over by huge oak trees, and paused at the old bog. He didn't hear the usual bullfrogs.
Not even a duck. He thought to himself: "No night noises? What the f.... er...frak....@@"

And then, he heard something walking through the 3' deep water. Calfox, finally unnerved, let out his
famous sasquatch call. More silence. The walking through the bog stopped. Then the walking sound started again,
coming Calfox's way, a little closer every second, and stopped again. Calfox wheeled around, raising eyes to meet....

a raccoon. Calfox kept his rifle at his side. And he was more nervous than Don Notts in that haunted house movie...no wait,
that isn't right either. Calfox stood there stoic and calm, giving out his Clint Eastwood glare that said "you can't see my eyes,
it's really dark out here, you idiot"

No wait, that's not right, either, dammit.

A deer walked out of the brush and bog, and across the road into the rest of the woods. Calfox sighed in relief, and walked back home.

He unloaded his rifle as always, one of his rules, and went in. His wife was sleeping in front of the TV playing boring Olympics.
So, he quietly went to his computer, His computer was turned off, and then...

no. Crap, that isn't right either. His computer was on, and there was Merlin, the wizard of old Roundtable, King Arthur days, speaking to him on the screen.

"Callllllfox. A proper name for one so gallant albeit nervous like a Don Notts in that haunting house movie"... his voice trailed off, just as Calfox said:

"Don't give me you silliness, Merlin Just tell me, sir, how the get the sword out of the rock"

"That wasn't you, that was Arthur, I'm quite sure", Merlin replied.

"Oh, that's right" said Calfox. "So, what can I do for you, this is such an honor..."

Merlin sadly gazed at Calfox and explained:

"I came to bring the good tidings of Sir Westside Steve" he said. "I've come a long way to explain what is going
on in the evil darkness of the Brownsboard political forum as you call it.', his voice trailing off again.

"Tell me, tell me !" Calfox cried. "I've thought long and hard for , well, a few minutes to try to figure it out myself. Several of us
want to know. PLEASE"

"Well", Merlin continued, "there has been great evil in the works, of a kind seen before. But, the liberal hate wizards are quite dangerous,
you must listen and take notes intently. It is the only path to Knowing, and knowing when you get there. To "Knowing" , that is."

"Hmm.", calfox said as he frowned...."I'm to be knowing what I don't know about getting to knowing, and knowing how to know when I know that.... "

Merlin interrupt a clearly confused and perturbed Calfox:

"No, no, no, Sir Calfox" Merlin quietly admonished, "Just listen and write"

Calfox simply shrugged and got out his parchment and quill. No, wait. that isn't right either. He got out his pen and paper.

"You see, Calfox, the game is afoot. The evil liberal spirits are back, quite abrupt and maniacal, but worse, they
reek of elderberries. They've come back to get rid of all conservatives, and coerce Sir Steve to help, and"

"Wait", Calfox said,"that makes no sense, Sir Steve will know and....."

"A-HEM". Merlin clearned his throat.

"eh, sorry, Merlin" Calfox added.

Merlin sighed, and continued - "They've come to thwart all honesty and goodwill, and to the evil side of all that, they wish to banish you Real Americans....all Real Sir Americans....

banish them, I say....to the land of Nothing... and just after the election of Sir Trump, they wish to slime the political board their dishonesty and wickedness. I'm afraid they put a temporary spell on Sir Steve, to blind him. But, he gallantly achieved his psyche back, and ..."

"Wait", Calfox interjected, "I have to go watch this cool show about raising chickens on RFDTV. Can this wait a bit, Thanks !"

******************************************
Chapter Two - The Dark Lord Danger

"Wow. Okay, I'm back, Merlin ! Did you know that chickens lay eggs for only about two years, then they live for maybe another 3?

You feed them another three years with no eggs, or after two years you have them for supper. Except my Wonderful Cute Wife will give them all names, so that probly won't work. You know, Merlin, I..... Merlin?"

Calfox stared at the screen. It was on the Brownsboard as before. Then his 24" flat screen monitor went dark. "Dammit, must be my graphics card. I hate it when
ugly attitudes of stupid liberals on the board break my monitor and graphics card. dammit !"

Calfox was shaking his head, covering his face with his hands, when all of a sudden he heard:

"Two years you say? Gwenavier did the same. Named them all. Arthur was quite annoyed at first, but then the other knights began to laugh, and then he started
laughing too. Quite a display of foolishness, I must say" Merlin said.

"MERLIN ! It's you !"

"Well, I've always been me. I say, Sir Calfox, time is fleeting. Are you ready to listen?" Merlin queried.

"No, not yet. I still have to build a henhouse , arrange for fencing in their yard, deciding which kind of chcken breed I want. I'm thinkin

Australorp, or ...."

"CALFOX ! I mean, I said "listen" ... NOT .. "chicken" Please, can we get on with it, ... paper and pen?"

Calfox hung his head and readied his pencil. "Yes sir", he said, "I'm ready, intently ready."

Merlin began finishing his warning of doom. "Calfox, there is profound, insidious dark danger laying in wait of your every move, every thought. The evil dark lord is striving full on, I'm afraid, to unearth you from your values, your honor,

your fortune, and your future. Even, your root beer....."

Calfox was angry, "WHAT:? MY FREAKIN ROOTBEER? DAMMIT those liberal egg-sucking, slime slurping..."

Merlin quickly inerrupted again. "Calfox. Please. I said "you'll soon hear" and you went off quite foolishly. Get back to taking notes???

Calfox felt foolish and said" Oh, that. Well, It's just that I'm out of root beer and I...."

"Aaaaahem.." Merlin cleared his throat, to keep from getting annoyed with Calfox.

"Yes, sir. Sorry.", Calfox muttered.

Merlin began again, "Your jouney will take you through great trials, great danger. You will be as Parsifal seeking the Holy Grail, but far more treacherous I fear.

The great evil liberals have been mind changed into orgs. Very evil, flea bitten, rank and treacherous spirits of hate. Mind and avoid them in your travels, they will waylay you, distract you, and steal your honor if you aren't on guard. And, you must know the terrible danger you would face, if you were to come into their footsteps as they are thusly walking near you. You must never forget the truth I give you now. At all costs.... you must..."

"Not inhale? I hear they reek, and not just of elderberries. Why, they say if you take chicken poop, and skunk scent, it would not stink like the evil liberal ones...." Calfox blurted.

Merlin looked to the sky, shook his head and sighed. "Please Sir Calfox. Yes, they reek of many satanic offenses, but it's not that. It's their evil psyches. They are ruled, mind and stink. through and through. The greatest danger, far surpassing the evil stinking liberal spirits, I'm afraid,
by the most hideous and horrendous leader of them all. The one who is called, "The Dark Lord".

Calfox was astonished...."You mean, the "Black Night", right. I know a lot about him, he's

the Marxist Lord of radical leftwing scum - an ardent disciple of Mao, Stalin, Saul Alinski,

and Liberace.... I hear nobody knows his real name...

"Sir Calfox, it's "Knight", not "night". Please pay attention, Merlin pleaded.
"Well, I am now. Boy, that is... hey. How did you know I said "night", thinking it with no "K"...."
Calfox's eye's narrowed, "but you knew I was thinking of it with no "K', and you knew I meant to
be thinking "Knight" with the "K"....

Merlin simply shrugged and pointed to his chest. "Merlin.... Wizard.......???"

"Oh, sorry, Merlin. So this "Dark Lord of the Black Night" he isn't that evil one in the Hobbit triligy is he? Because I've read those books, and they are really...."

"NO, NO NO NO, I mean, Sir Calfox, it is not that one you must fear. The one you must fear, is
in your own time. The one who released the Obamaocare Dragon, and is sick and desirous of enslaving all Sir Americans to his evil and sinister horror. Much like the most frightening horror movie, only quite more real, and far more dangerous. He is the Buttock One. The Obamao King of Fear. The Loathsome One of Moochelle Fame." He is the one who you must fear, and fear the results of his monstrous ways, Sir Calfox. His real name, though you must not speak in on

your dangerous quest.... to anyone, is a name you may hear on your travels...but beware - he is

worse than corrupt, he is not of sound mind...very dangerous and devious....

The Key to your Quest is in your Honor, and it will take all your strength to keep it from falling into the evil hands of the Dark Lord Buttock. Beware the Ides, Sir Calfox. Beware.....the.......Ides......" Merlin whispered, as his image faded away.

"WAIT!" Calfox cried aloud, "WAIT, MERLIN ! You mean the IDES OF MARCH?????"

Merlins image was gone, But across Calfox's dark but very cool flat screen monitor, from right to left, scrolled the fateful words:

"NO. NO. NO. NO, Sir Calfox. Beware. BEWARE. ...........BEWARE THE IDES................the Ides...... of .................MARX."

Calfox felt a chill go down his spine, and shivered, while he stared at the screen in disbelief and fright and said:
"I'm hungry. I need to fix myself a egg sandwich. Too bad I'm out of root beer.....'

***********************************
Chapter Three - The Call to Adventure

"Honey, wake up. The U.S.A. Women's handball stuff is over - it was so boring, the cats left the room and hid. Hey, Babe, you have to see this", Calfox excitedly whispered.

His Wife, opened her eyes into a squint, and said "Where?". Calfox grinned and said "On the computer. You won't believe it - it's amazing !" His Wife got up, and went with him to the computer and sat down next to him. "Cal, is this another video from Glenn Beck? You know politics is getting me annoyed. Everybody we know is gettting edgy and worried about Obama. Yes, we all hate him, and no, I don't really want to see another video of him talking like Mussolini or Stalin or..."

"But, Calfox interjected, "This isn't about Obamao. Well, it is, but not really. I mean, I want to show you who else.... is ...on ...our computer ! Watch !"

And Calfox pointed excitedly to their monitor, with the Brownsboard showing as usual. "Watch, Honey !"
Minutes went by, with no change. "Well, it might take a few minutes, he's really busy, "far away", he said before, and that just means he will be here in a few minutes away.....", Calfox explained.

His Wife looked at him sweetly, and asked "So... who is going to show? Someone we know? Or someone in politics?" "HA", Calfox said, "Neither ! I swear, you will be amazed. It's AMAZING. Really fantastic. He just.... will be here any second now."

Several minutes later, no change to their nice flat screen monitor. Calfox's Wife simply stated: "Waiting for whoever, in video, is more boring than the Olympic bike riding.
Who is it, so I can give up and go to bed?"

"Honey", Calfox whispered, ".... it's Merlin. I Know it's crazy, but he appeared right here, on the monitor. Really !"

"Cal, look, I love you always, I adore you, but you are working nearly 24/7. I mean, you go to work, you come home and have supper, you do all the "honey do" chores,
you even keep up with the dishes perfectly as soon as you get home, then you go out and chop wood and pull weeks and spray the garden, and water the garden,
and cut hay, bale hay, throw hay, you stack wood... then you have some root beer on ice, and you sit down at the computer. Dear, you aren't 30 anymore, when you were invincible. You
need to slow down. Maybe we need to take a quick vacation this weekend. You work so hard...."

"Babe, you just watch. Hey, I'm not over the hill yet. I can do all the work. I know what you are thinking. Here, watch.." and with that, Calfox leaned well over to the monitor, and whispered "Merlin. Hellllo.... Merlin. Hey, I have a question about when my adventures start. .............Merlin?"

His Wife figeted in her chair and started to reach for the computer power button, but Calfox said, "Give him one more minute..." and with his face even closer,
whispered, "MERLIN....MERLIN" and knocked his knuckles on the side of the monitor. "Doggonit, Merlin, this is me. Helloooooo.......crap."

"Oh", his Wife said, "Jerry said Thank you so much for brush hogging his overgrown pasture, and says he has a huge maple tree that fell over yesterday. He thought you would want to cut it up for firewood. He said a company offered to buy it, but he wanted you to have it, if you wanted..."

"YES, YES, YES !!!! The Call to Adventure, I knew it, Thank you, Merlin !" as he jumped out of his chair.

Then his Wife said, "Hey, what is that over there, and pointed to the far corner ceiling in the room. As Calfox looked, she reached over and turned their computer off as he said "WAIT, I have to....."

Chaptor Four - Trials and Tribulations

*********************************************

Calfox rode his ATV out to a big maple tree that had fallen down. As he got his chainsaw, after putting his ear protectors, safety goggles, and gloves on, he began to cut the tree up into chunks. "Those leechey liberal punks would want the government to give them everything, house, booze, drugs, wood,...everything,...

that's why they want higher taxes on everybody else. So the slugs, those evil liberal perverted evil spirit orgs...." Cal muttered to himself, and paused quickly.

"Hey, now I'm getting to talk like Merlin. crap" he said again to himself. The first cut, however, caused movement to his right - further up in the tree, amidst the branches. Calfox thought to
himself "what they heck was that ? " and turned his chainsaw off. As he turned, he looked for whatever had moved. He even did a 360, watching intently, for any movement, or sign of what had just happened. He saw nothing outside of the tree branches, and large main trunk. It was saturday morning,

it was eight o'clock, and already Calfox wondered if he should have gone to bed earlier instead of sitting with his Wife watching this silly 1040's romance movie on tv.
Frowning, he started his chainsaw again, and just before he started cutting up the tree again, he saw the movement again. Chainsaw turned off again, he quickly turned to his right and saw it. A crow had just lit on the branch a few feet away. "Shoo, you goofy bird. I have work to do.". But, the bird just stood there, perched just five feet away. "Well, crow, if you were half white, I'd think you were Obamaonazi, looking to tax me for causing global warming.", Calfox joked. But the crow didn't laugh. Calfox sighed and turned to get a small branch to scare the crow away. As he turned and tried to shoo the crow away from the tree....

"I say, Sir Calfox", said the crow. Calfox threw his chainsaw away forward, and hurled himself back into the branches and leaves of the tree, and frantically tried to climb up and over the tree. But it was too high, and thick, and he slipped back down near the crow. "Calfox", the crow continued, "It's just me, Merlin. please calm youself - I must warn you of something of profound evil movement that just occured. The Obamao Great Desctructive Storm looms on the horizon
of your great America. And, thusly, so do the trials, the evil liberal spirits orgs, at fault, begin." Calfox frowned, "That does it. You know what? I'm not listening.

You made me look like a lunatic when I wanted you to come back and meet my Wife, right there, and I looked like a complete fool. So, thanks so freakin much. So, off with you, or "Beware" yourself lest crow season begins, forsooth, or whatever...... AARRRRGH !"

The crow sadly... no wait, that's wrong, too. Merlin sadly explained that manifesting himself in Calfox's computer monitor made him devastated and weary, it took nearly all his strength away from his ability to continue his magic. "It is far easier to be a crow. This is quite a miniscule effort compared.

But," Merlin continued, "far more effort than it is for a human being to turn into an evil, selfish, quite emotionally blinded to truth org. They truly are hidous, evil, putrid and foul of inner un-natural grime, who doth support the wanton murder of the unborn, and many other frightening and devilish perversions of the worst of mankind. But the easiest of all, is to be a Woodpecker - they are too stupid to let me talk through them. Oh my but that was quite a sick endeavor. I will never attempt that again.....

But, Sir Calfox, I must tell you, that you are not alone in your quest. But mind, and mind well, the others you must glean Real Americanism from, are only those who you may trust. Otherwise, trust no one. They are lost, and are loyal to only one - the Dark Lord of the Knight".....

You must know, bye the bye, that your first trial is a mirage of magical sorts, a danger to yourself and your country, and a purgatory one. I must go now, so much magic to do, so many places, so much Danger and Dire Consequence of Lies to divert from your quest,
such that you will even have any open door to resolving your quest's goals."

Calfox sighed, rubbed his eyes, and said: "Okay, since I'm not lost of my mind... crap, now you have me doing it.... I have three questions. One, is that "Dark Lord of the Knight with a K", or. "Dark Lord of the Night, with no K"......

Two, how will I know my first real trial, and three, what the heck is a "purgatory one" that I will be dealing with on my first trial?" Calfox quit rubbing his eyes, and looked around. No crow. no merlin, no answers. Just the silence of the edge of the woods, as he sat down against the trunk of the tree and tried to clear his mind, and assure himself that he wasn't losing his mind and humanity - and in that, becoming one of the sickening, evil liberal spirits himself. "What the heck have I gotten myself into. Maybe this is a nightmare, or some ridiculous fiction story that some scary story author with a goofy sense of humor is writing. "Dammit", Calfox exclaimed, "I think all this needs some time to sink in. I think it's warping my brain." Words and phrases soared through his mind like a hundred frantic hummingbirds....

"Evil....purgatory one,....Dark Lord.....magical quest,... putrid stinkie Liberal perverted spirits.... trials......hideous danger...leftist orgs...."

Calfox shook his head strongly, as if trying to shake the words out, and stood up to grab his chainsaw, and started it up. And he actually got to cut wood for a half hour until he ran out of gas. Deciding to take a break, he took off his glasses, gloves and walked to the thicker brushy part of the tree, and after glancing quickly around to make sure no one else was there, he took a lea.....er... he powdered his nose...

no, no, no. That isn't right. He began to relieve himself, and promptly heard a soft, feminine voice not far behind him.

<INTERMISSION>
Chapter Four - Trials and Tribulations (continued)

"Oh, my ! Sir, may I speak with you? It is of great importance.....", said a very pretty young woman's voice only a few feet behind him. "Um... I ...well...

I have to get my finger out of this briar, ahem, just give me a moment, please?", Calfox answered as he tried to finish quickly. The angelic, feminine voice continued,

"Oh, certainly. Oh, my" she continued, "I see that your finger is apparently leaking from the briar..." Sir Calfox heard her giggling at that. He was done, and turned to face her.
There, only four feet from him, was a beautiful girl, golden hair in braids, in a shimmering white floor length dress, lacy with cuffs at her wrists and a sparkle in her eyes.

Calfox was struck speechless at her beauty, and her voice was like the finest wine, and her giggling was as enticing as a sunrise over a pine forested mountain crest. "I have my finger .....back in fine shape, really sorry - I didn't realize you were there. Where did you come from?
How did you do that?"

She smiled a beautiful, amused smile and replied "Oh, it's just a silly girl thing. Are you sure your finger is okay? I could kiss it and make it feel better....", grinning and teasing him unmercifully. Calfox tried to grin back at her, but he forgot how, he was so stunned at her beauty, and he said
"well, no, I really am fine, and you um.... you....may speak ...you know , with me, and then....eh.... would you like to have a seat here with me on this tree trunk? It really has gotten quit hot here all of a sudden..."

The beautiful young woman winked at him playfully, gave him her hand, and proceeded
to grin to his side and sat down. "So, young woman....person.... I wou... I mean, what is it you need to speak with me about?" She squinted her eyes playfully at him, and leaned close to him and whispered, "I have been sent here to be your perpective, your counsel on many things, your helpmate on your quest. You see, Merlin sent me to join you. He said the quest you travail upon, will be an arduous, lonely, and terribly dangerous path for you. I was chosen by him, because
I actually assisted Parsifal on his quests for the Holy Grail. Yes ! It's true. I know of many secret things of adventurous note, and the challenges and mysteries you will face, you will not have to face them alone. Merlin says to tell you "Beware the Dark Night" once again.

Calfox looked upon her angelic face, into her elfishly beautiful dazzling eyes, and said "Really? Why, that old grouchy wizard is really in tune with who I am as a quest..er moreso than I figured firstly", he frowned suddenly, at how he said that. The quest was warping his psyche, and he hasn't finished cutting wood at all. "So, what is your name, you know I'm Calfox, ...and why didn't Merlin tell me you were coming?" She thoughtfully and playfully took his hand, and whispered "My name is Griendielle, and he decided only after he left you the last time with his last forewarnings. SO, can we talk before out adventures start? What have you found out so far?"

Calfox looked at her thoughtfully, and proudly noted that he had resharpened his own chainsaw chain, and it cut as fast and as strong as when it was new.
"And, I have to cut up this whole tree, so it can dry out and be ready to be good firewood this winter. Work, work, work all day long on the farm, you know.", he bragged.

Griendielle continued, "Merlin told me to tell you not to worry about your wood, he will have his elf-masters finish it for you. Come, let us get to know each other.

Say, let's go for a swim - it is so very hot and humid, is it not?", she said, grinning sweetly at him. "Ha, well, we don't have our fish pond in yet. I have to figure out how to avoid the marxist scum from passing a law against it. Boy, they would probably demand a fee for a license to dig it, and a fee to fish in it, AND MY OWN POND??? That sucks. No place to swim. Too bad, My Wife and I would swim, catch some bluegill, and have supper. Well, speaking of that, I should probably go home now. I'll meet you back here later, and we'll start saving the world from the dreaded, sickeningly evil one and his liberal horde of orgs.

Ha ! That's good, huh? "Liberal HORDE of ORGS?" Boy, sometimes I amaze myself". Griendielle smiled, and said "Let me show you. I'll bet you didn't know this was here....",
and she led him about 30 yards away, just 30 yards deeper into his own woods, and there, right in front of them, was a beautiful tropical pool, whose bank was ferned and flowered as any tropical paradise. Griendielle then untied her dress, let it fall to the grass, and laughed and jumped into the pool for a swim. She had nothing on. "Come on, join me ! Then we will call Merlin, and begin your glorious quest !" Sir Calfox just stood there, frozen in time for a few moments. "Why, you, I mean, well, it's kinda...
um..... I....should go take a shower at home. You know, the truth is, I have sweat running in my eyes, and this pool, I can't believe it's here, and you, well, heh....you truly are really beautiful, but I don't think Merlin would approve, and I really would only swim with my Wife. You know? My sweat would just dirty up that ...er...really clean water.....So......" Calfox stammered.

Griendelle just laughed, and whispered to him, "oh, don't be silly, Merlin never cared before when I've taken a swim, and yes, just like this. But, I understand, you are already taken. Here, why don't you take your Wife a few of these flowers, and I'll be right here when you get back, and I'll be dressed and ready to go."

Calfox hesitated, and decided that was a fine idea. He walked over to the edge of the pool, and took a few flowers Griendielle had picked from the edge of the waterfall and bank. "Sir Calfox, your Wife will adore these flowers, They have the most heavenly scent. Smell them..." Calfox did, and then....
he began to feel dizzy, like he was floating through the universe, a universe full of love and promise. Griendielle was talking to him, but he couldn't understand what she was saying. He focused, and then understood what Griendielle was asking. "So, Sir Calfox, who is the one? Who is the one?"

Calfox looked at her, and the words he didn't know he was saying, came right out: "The one, is the promise of eternal hope and change, the one is the maker of all unfair things to fair, the love of all, the love for all, the one is joy, and the one cares so much for us. The one is Barack Obama. He is the one" Calfox stood there in a trance, and the magic of Obama shined through his being like the fragrance of the beautiful flowers. And deep inside, a few moments later,

Calfox was starting to defend his Honor. Then, he regained his hold on reality, and became angry. The flowers' magic had worn off, and he was himself again. Griendielle pleaded with him, "Sir Calfox, try these flowers, too. You must smell them to know to take them home or not. Smell the
wonderful flowers........." Calfox stared at her, and became even angrier, "What the hell is this? Obamao is the evil sinister Dark Lord, the leader of scum, the "one" to none. And you are NOT my assistant whatever you said. You are a liar. Who the hell are you?"

Griendielle glared at him in anger, and replied "How did you know? It never fails, I always win with my flowers, and my magic beauty, and my tropical spring. How were you able
to win???" She was enraged now....

but Sir Calfox gave her his most serious Clint Eastwood glare, and said "Number one, there was no tropical spring here, it must be magic.

Two? Your flowers put a sick, twisted Obama Dark Lord spell over me for a few seconds. And Three? I just remembered.....Merlin would NEVER tell me to "Beware the Dark Night".....with......no....."K"..." As Calfox sternly said that last part, the Tropical Paradise faded away, right before his eyes. And left there, instantly and completely dressed, was Griendielle. But, she was a centuries old looking, ugly, snarling, Devilish looking, hideous monster.

She was almost so ugly and repulsive as to remind Calfox of Roseanne Barr, not not quite. Calfox turned and puked, and was frightened by a vision of the old evil woman's green hand reaching almost to his chest, reaching for his HONOR. He yelled, "NO, YOU WILL NOT
HAVE MY HONOR !! A THOUSAND PLAGUES UPON YOU AND BEGONE! BEGONE YOU FOUL DEVIL, YOU SICK AND WRETCHED EVIL OF THE DARK LORD! BEGONE TO THE LAND OF NOTHING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The evil wtich liberal org sneered at him, drew back, and went to step closer to him.
Calfox reached down, and pulled a small sassafrass twig out of the ground, and tossed it into her face, screaming "BEGONE ! THE MAGIC FRAGRANCE OF SASSAFRASS SEND YOU AND YOUR DEADLY LIBERAL OBAMA STENCH TO THE LAND OF NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

It screamed a mornful scream, and dissipated into thin air. Calfox regained his composure, not understanding how he knew to use sassafrass to vanquish the evil witch. All was the same as it was. he packed up his gear, and rode his ATV all the way back home. He walked in,
and saw the note his Wife left for him. It read, "Went to the store, please defrost the ribs, remember we have a picnic to go to in two hours".

Calfox desperately hoped she'd bring back more root beer. It had been that kind of a day. He regretted the dangerous, vile existence of those who worship lies, the vilest of the worst, evil of liberalism and Marxism and Progressiveism and Socialism and Communism, all of them either one and the same, or a few of them, being just a giant step toward the other. Calfox made himself some sun tea, and put it out on the porch, and wondered about it all... and wondered who the dumbass was that put disgusting, smelly Roseanne Barr in his adventure. "Dammit, that idiot shouldn't have done that. I think I just lost my entire appetite for the entire picnic."

Chapter Five - Calfox Answers the Call to Adventure

Calfox went back to his normal, fun, and hard working life. Each time he got on the computer in a few minutes of idle time, he kept expecting Merlin to show up on his monitor again. But, not once did it happen during that few weeks of normalcy.

He tried to prepare himself for a new visit, or a new adventure any second, any minute, any hour. But, it never came. He actually considered himself going a bit nuts, but realized that it was real. He sat back, played some "Call to Duty III" on their WII, and still couldn't figure out how to take out the blockade with the mortar. Again and again he tried, to no avail. Finally, even he
couldn't keep trying and gave up for the evening.

His Wonderful Cute Wife had gone to play cards with the other ladies on their Ladies Night Out. He fondly recalled when they first started it. His Wife told him she and the rest of the girls were going to Leno. It actually took him nearly a week of constantly trying to find out what "Leno" was, since his first guess was Jay Leno,
and that wasn't it. She finally laughed once more, and told him it stood for "Ladies Night Out". And Calfox was at his funniest, albeit not intentionally, when she laughed at the embarrased and perturbed face he made.

So, since he was "baching it"; he decided to go out looking for skunks again. It was about nine pm, very dark, as he walked out across their fields, watching the night sky. A few "falling stars" flashed, streaming across the sky as fast as a person could turn and follow with their eyes. A Great Horned Owl hooted off in the distant woods. For all the field he lit up with
his very cool, powerful flashlight, there was nothing moving, no animal, nothing at all. He wondered when Merlin would appear to him again, and wondered if Merlin was okay, and if his adventuring to uphold his Honor, and helping save his country from the Dark Lord of Marx, was over. After all, he was successful in beating back a horrible evil witch-org.

The night wore on, all was still and the stars glittered like pinpoints of diamonds with bluish white, intense light focused on just them.
A satellite was the only movement in the sky, traveling across the sky in a consistent arc. Then, it moved rapidly in another direction, a swirl, no less. Then another star, and another, until that part of the sky had stars swirling around, and stopping in definate lines. All of a sudden, Calfox realized the lines were becoming letters. A light breeze whispered across his face,
as he read the letters in the sky:

"Sir Calfox - the greater time is at hand. Come quickly" Calfox looked incredulously at the sky. "What the... how the heck am I supposed to do that? That is nuts...." he thought to himself. The letters faded into blackness of the sky, and Calfox asked aloud,
"Hey, that's impossible. Are you trying to test my IQ, or what? Merlin?" The stars moved again in the night sky, and Calfox read them aloud. "The....Ti..Time...has....Come. Come quickly. Do not fret.....your time with me...". With that, Calfox frowned at the sky.
"Merlin, now come on, I don't know what to do. Fret? You "fret". In OUR TIME, we don't do that stuff. It's impossible.
Helllllo ?" The letters faded away again, only to swirl and reassemble. The letters finally read: "CALFOX, IN OUR TIME,
YOU WILL BE HERE A WEEK - IN YOUR TIME, YOU WILL BE GONE FOR ONLY FIFTEEN MINUTES. HASTE IS OF
GREAT IMPORT". Calfox stood there dumbfounded. "I don't have the slightest freakin idea how to go there, and how the bleep do I go there for a week but only leave here for fifteen minutes. Wait, maybe this isn't Merlin at all. Maybe..."

"Good of you to come, Sir Calfox. The future of your time's people hangs in the balance between hideous evil by the Dark Lord Buttock,and the goodness and Honor of your people.”

Calfox wheeled around and looked behind him, and there, amidst the tall, majestic trees, with the two of them standing in the middle of a wide trail, with two wagon tracks all along it's middle.... was Merlin.

"Merlin...the drawings in the manuscripts I studied in college... how did they know what you looked like?", Calfox whispered. Merlin, smiled, and explained, that his image was in drawing from the ancient days, and was copied into the later adventures of King Arthur,

Parsifal, and the rest of the Knights of the Roundtable, over the centures after their time.

Calfox looked all around him, noting that the trees were huge, of great, great age, with thick vines and flowers abounding every hillside. He then became worried, "Merlin, I must go back. I'm sorry, but if I'm not home by the time my Wife gets back, I would lose my Honor. You understand, right?" Merlin smiled again and explained to him, that all his time, even a week,
in Merlin's own time, would only amount to almost fifteen minutes back in Calfox's time. "Are you sure, Merlin? That doesn't seem possible. Time is time, right? How can time be faster here than.... is this more magic, or what?"

Merlin frowned and said, "Calfox, please understand, that the universe is a complicated, magical existence. You won't know this, but when traveling back in time, your fifteen minutes pass by, while a bit more than a week of our time, passes by. That's the good, you know.
If you were to travel into the future, your week, however, of your time, is only fifteen minutes in the future. It is a secret law of the universe, unknown, by all but the most advanced wizards of all time. Quite a secret you must keep, since I had to pass that secret on to you…”
Those in your own time will think you many ill things, I think, were you to try to explain it....."

“Merlin, if that’s true, tell me what my…reason for being here is. I’ll get to it – but I will have some serious questions first”, Calfox whispered.

Merlin solemnly looked at Calfox, and pondered the best way to try to explain, what Calfox needed to be told, yet, incredulously as it would sound, he would be able to understand.

“Come with me, quickly, Sir Calfox. There are many explanations, so little time,

and certain things you must see in my study, so you might understand the full

nature of things.”, Merlin advised.

And so, the two of them walked a beautiful path through the woods, to an ancient but beautiful cottage in the woods, complete with flowers’ vines climbing along the cottage’s log walls. A cabin worthy of … a wizard of legendary repute.

“Please, come in, Calfox, and make yourself at home in my home. I live here

with my niece, Griendielle. The ..real Griendielle….” Calfox turned, and there,

was the same magically beautiful young woman he thought he’d met before.

“Merlin, NO !”, Calfox blurted out, and threw himself back into Merlin’s

heavy, wooden, walnut dinner table, and tumbled to the floor. Merlin quickly

explained that the one he met before was a witches’ ruse, that witch being solidly

under the control of the Dark Lord Buttock. Calfox was stunned, and couldn’t help

but wonder if Merlin was out of his mind… at least for a few moments.

“No, Calfox, she’s quite real. You’ll have to trust me on that…have you had

a meal? We have roasted quail with potatoes. That should seem familiar to you”,

Merlin said.

Calfox was watching Griendielle still, and didn’t reply to Merlin at first. “Sir Calfox,

Merlin showed me what happened in his Crystal of History. I’m sorry – it will have to simply suffice that it should be considered flattery to be mimiced…please understand, that Merlin cannot be fooled by a trick…”, Griendielle explained.

And so, Merlin, Griendielle, and Calfox sat for an hour, eating a fine dinner, with fresh, hot, buttered flatbread, the roasted quail, and an ale that would have made his friends back in his own time envious. And, during their meal, Merlin explained many things.

Calfox learned, that he was to track a dragon, and slay it. Simple at the face, but complex in reality. Merlin explained that dragons were powerful creatures, devious, very, very intelligent, and notoriously, were arrogant to the hilt of a sword, and their minds thrived on deceit, and manipulation of anything as prey, the latter to a profound degree.

And, that their favorite meal was…..those knights, and villagers who might ever brandish the sharpest swords to confront them…

After dinner, Calfox helped Merlin and Griendielle clear the table, and the three sat on rocking chairs, all three drinking tea out of wooden mugs made of sassafrass wood.. Merlin, in his beautifully engraved chair of the finest ash, and Calfox and Griendielle in a loveseat rocker, of a beautiful oak, with a woven wool covering over the seat for warmth. Merlin turned to Calfox and asked, “So, Calfox, I know you have questions, please ask them before time runs short. I myself, do not know the full extent of the doom on your people in your own time, were this dragon not vanquished soon,

…I can only wish I had a Crystal of Future, but alas, I do not.”

With that, Merlin waited, and Griendielle looked at him, and sipped her tea. With that,

Calfox began. “I need to know …why me? What happens if I am injured? Or..... you know…worse than injured? And why from our own time, and not a gallant Knight from your time? Can I be sure to get back to my own time and in what….eh…condition?

And, how on earth can I slay any dragon? Why, all Griendielle would have to do is bat her eyelashes upon him and he’d keel over in a faint. Perhaps I should take her with me, eh? HAH !”

Griendielle giggled, Calfox assured them he was kidding, and Merlin’s amusement faded to a somber, gravely worried gaze, and he explained the answers to Calfox’s questions.

“Oh, Sir Calfox, your questions are exact, and hopefully my answers will be complete.

You see, …how to explain…..many Knights and villages have died in confrontations with dragons. I must …tell you… that one of the universal secret laws of time in our universe, is …that you can die in your own time, never to live again in your time.

But, and I know this is a great bit much, but… if one travels to another time, well, he returns to his own time, in his own well being. That is to say, you simply reappear exactly back into your own time, in your own shape. Alive and well, unless you were not well when you ventured out of your own time…. and you must know, that dragons have intelligence and cunning more so than nearly, perhaps a third of human beings.

You must also know, that they live to play… games in others' minds. I don’t have understanding about why they do. They just…do. And this dragon is one of the last.

But he is also the most dangerous. He…well…..is perhaps the only dragon who accrued some powerful magic along the way. …”

Calfox sat stunned, “You mean a dragon could kill me, and I would still go back home, unhurt, un..er….”unkilled” ??? Griendielle laughed, drawing an embarrassed glance from Calfox. Merlin stood up out of his rocker suddenly, “YES, believe me, in all the honor that we mortals have, trust me in this, Calfox, you will go back home just fine. But,..if you were to die…be killed in our time, you can never come back. It is just a truth in our universe. Take this sword, you must not let go of it – it has it’s own powers. I forged it myself. And, I must say, I am sorry your metal shooter did not come

with you. You see, your metallic shooters don’t exist in our time…”

“Well, it’s a good thing I wasn’t wearing nylon clothes, or I would have gotten here quite naked then?” Calfox. Merlin looked up at his ceiling, while Griendielle answered, “Perhaps you should always wear natural fibers in your own time, so I won’t have to find out and tease you forever…”. With that, she kissed him on the side of his chin, and left

to go do the dishes. Merlin suddenly wheeled around, looked out his window, and exclaimed “Go, Calfox, run for your quest ! I must go immediately as I have been called !

God speed, Sir Calfox, GOD SPEED !!!”, and vanished into thin air, right before Calfox’s eyes.

Griendielle ran back into the den, and said “Oh, he’s been called… take care, Calfox, may God guide you and be at your side. And…take this, for me, I wish I do wish I were to go with you…”

Calfox took her hand, squeezed gently, and walked to the door. Griendielle grabbed a beautiful cloak, complete with hood. “Take this, it will keep insects and rain away, and will surely give you a bit of hidden cover as you travel. Sir Calfox, do not fret, it is not far. Just follow the road to the left. It’s a magical place, be aware at all times, be careful.”

“Thank you, Griendielle. You take care, too. I will be back. For your own people, and mine in my own time as well. She hugged him, and he quickly went out the door, walked down the steps, turned left, and began walking the road.

[calfoxwc]

And, wonder of wonders, the last chapter.......

*********************************************************

*******************************************
Chapter Six - Calfox Escapes from the "Belly of the Whale
************************************

Calfox walked down the dirt road, through the dense forest. He marveled at what a virgin forest looked like. The trees were massive, perhaps ten feet across at their base, and they towered at least a hundred feet high. The ferns were all through the forest, and were as large and high as a living room. "Amazing", he thought to himself. He walked slowly for a long while, sometimes gasping at the scenery. There were meadows every so often, where he could see the misty blue mountains far away along the distant horizon. Squirrels abounded, and he wished he had a .410 shotgun, or at least
a .22 rifle with a scope.

"My .... Merlin's magic sword, and my dark. blotched hooded cape is all I have...outside of whatever cunning I can muster to defeat a dragon....". He looked back down the road that he'd walked so far, and wondered if he'd gone maybe... two miles? Resolutely, he turned back and continued on his way.

A few miles passed, when Calfox reached a different geography.

The forest gradually gave way, to a large, beautifully flowered meadow - exotic, large flowers of a type he'd never before seen in any book. This meadow was very different - it spanned as far as he could see, on both sides of the dirt road ! And scattered about, throughout the entire meadow, were huge rocks, some seemingly having crashed together at
some point in distant history, and some oddly by themselves, wedged firmly into the earth, and still reaching heights of almost 30-40 feet.

He slowed his steps,gawking at the new look about him, when he came across a small, rickety looking cabin - very old, of 3' logs with plenty of mud between to fill the cracks.

Calfox hesitated, then staunchly stood at the door, and knocked. "Come in, come in", a voice came from within. Calfox opened the door, and entered.

It was a simple store, with shelves and benches, animal skins, iron and copper pots, and bags of nuts and other items of food. "Hello, and what can I sell to you", a very frail little man inquired from behind a large, long rustic counter. "I've come to ...seek ...the Holy Grail, sir. may I buy a few supplies to get me well along on my journey?, Calfox asked. The frail man squinted his eyes at Calfox, and said, "and what might you be wanted to buy...and with what gold?

Your...sword perhaps?" Calfox smiled nervously, and said, "No, sir, I have a few nuggets I brought with me from a land far from here. A flask of water, and a bag of chestnuts there, if you would...."

The old man got the supplies for the sale, and plopped them onto the counter and asked if there would be anything
else. "No, sir, will a small nugget be payment enough?" Calfox asked. "Why, that would be fine indeed, kind sir. May your path take you successfully on your ...quest".

With that, Calfox gathered up his supplies in a sack, and headed back out of the cabin. As he closed the front cabin door behind him,he turned and walked a few feet, and realized everything had changed. Before him was acres and acres of a caustic and putrid and foul, and sick-smelling mud . Frightened, he spun back around, and reached for the door handle to re-enter the cabin. But the cabin was gone. The trees and rocks were 200 yards away. And for that 200 yards, all around him in a giant circle of stench, was a flat, brownish black field of just mud, that smelled badly enough to make Calfox puke. "WHAT DEVILISHNESS IS THIS?", Calfox cried aloud. He began to walk away from where he had entered the cabin, slipping, and sliding and stepping into foot deep muck. He fell into the muck several times, and after a while of much exertion, he came upon an area that was not a deep muck, but rather moss covered, and only a bit soggy, but that still held Calfox's weight.

He had walked and walked to this point, and the trees and large rocks seemed to be exactly as far away as they were before. Calfox suddenly felt a cold chill down his spine, from a sudden breeze behind him. He spun around quickly, having drawn his sword and in a fighting stance he saw, a 40 foot high, 60 foot long, and 20 foot wide....dragon.

The dragon was a dark, blackish green, with a yellow underbelly, nostrils nearly 5 feet wide, and bright neon green eyes the same width, but narrow and squinting....and the dragon suddenly ducked his head right near Calfox's sword, and whispered: "I hope your supplies last a long time, adventurer. Don't you just feel happy to visit me in my pit?". The dragon promptly withdrew his head back up to above his dragon chest, and laughed a strange, low whispered laugh....

Calfox stood there stunned, and very frightened. Apparently, he had fallen into the dragon's trap already. "Whyyyyyyy, hassss Merlin sent me another lunch? How thoughtful...I will surely need to send him a script thanking him so very kindly", the dragon whispered, and smiled a devious, twisted smile as he looked closely at Calfox again.

Calfox knew he had to escape this danger, he wasn't ready to battle the dragon on the dragon's terms. Calfox turned and ran across the firm ground,running for his life. He ran nearly two hundred yards before starting to sink into foot deep mire again. Calfox gasped in fright. The trees and rocks were no closer, and he should be right up to them as far as he had run. He turned and look behind him and saw the dragon laughing 200 yards away.

Calfox's heart thumped from the exertion, and the stress and confusion of this trap. "What vile manner of trap is this, that I can run so far, and still the trees and rocks on the horizon move away the same?", Calfox muttered loudly to himself, and he suddenly felt nauseus out of fear. The dragon jumped and flew over to Calfox's position and landed again.

"Whyyyy, young and foolish knave, do you not like my puzzle? It has never been solved.Lunch always tastes so much more ummm.... spicy? when after they have tried to solve my puzzle pit for a long length of time."

Calfox quelched his fright, and lunged at the dragon with all his might, to gore the dragon with his sword. But the dragon deftly moved out of the way easlily. The dragon mocked Calfox, saying that most other men who confronted him were far quicker and stronger with their swords...and they had no chance. "Especially after they all fail to run
fast enough to catch up with the trees and rocks ...and their freedom. Sad to say, knave, none have ever made it."....the dragon moved his head quickly to Calfox's face and added, "and....they.....all......become ....my.......lunch... so have a wonderful time. Tis true, young knave, that your only chance at freedom and.. well, heh, the rest of your life, ...is to run faster than you ever have run, in the right direction. Do that, and you will escape.

But, alas, none have ever run fast enough, or in the right direction, shall we say... to save themselves. And I, the most majestic of all dragons and perhaps the only....dragon.....left....have a fine time having them for dinner. Er...lunch. Well, both, you see? It is quite hopeless a puzzle. And quite impossible. Unless you are a very strong, determined runner, and you run that one direction and save yourself...."

Suddenly, a far away, very strong, low pitch, haunting horn sounded throughout the pit. The dragon turned toward it, and angrily blurted "Oh, dash it all, knave, I am called, and must go serve the Dark Lord, he who even I fear greatly. Perhaps you know some magic to save yourself. Remember, you must run so very fast, and the exact ...right direction to escape your fate with me. Have fun trying."

The dragon angrily and abruptly turned, leaped into the air and flew higher and higher, in the direction of the foghorn sound.

Calfox was relieved, and thought to himself, "He moves like a ninja. How is that possible? ... I must get out of here, have to escape." He turned and ran frantically, and fast as he ever had run in his life, desperately, in one direction and then another, until finally, he was breathless, completely exhausted, and angry. He cried and sank into the mud on his knees. "It's impossible. God help me, it's impossible.", he cried, sobbing. He had run for an hour or more, first one direction, then another, then another, faster than he ever imagined he could. And still, he failed to escape the dragon's deadly, devilish trap. He became sick, and his surroundings whirled around his still eyes
and he lost his bearings, and fell into the muck once again.

"I'm going to fail. I can't beat him, and if I do, I can't ever leave here. I can't go on.....", but then, as he said that last lament to himself, he fought back mentally, and decided he had to keep fighting til the end. "That damn dragon won't make me give up...
I swear by all that is honorable and just, in my own time, and Merlin's time, I will keep fighting.", Calfox angrily declared, and he
forced himself to try to calm down, try to quit hyperventilating, and think logically. " I will no longer be manipulated into feeling like a victim, like those mind-warped liberal orgs, who exist under the slimey spell of the Dark Lord Buttock.

He quickly got out his flask of water, and gulped it down, and ate some of his chestnuts. He had become dehydrated, and lacked any food for the several hours of hiking, and running in this trap. "I have to calm down, and think. THINK. I can figure this out. What is the secret to this trap?" He had no answer. So he tried again. "Okay, what is this trap like? Maybe I can think it through in analogy form. This trap...is like.......I don't know. Come on, Cal, THINK, man ! This trap goes and goes, no matter how fast I go, no matter which way.......ohhhh.....the dragon lied, he wanted me to be misdirected !"

Then, Calfox realized he was onto something. "It's isn't a linear solution. There ... it just goes on and on, around and around, not in sequential linear fashion. It's, a circular maze of sorts, it's....."....and Calfox stopped.
"It's a loop. Oh, God help me, it's a.....an...INFINITE LOOP. A loop with no end. I've been running a circle,
and I keep ending up right into the line of the infinite loop !!!!!!! Okay, how do I escape an infinite loop? Well,
there really isn't any escape except.......well, it's a killer mistake. Goes around and around forever until...
well, you break the execution of the program! Right, so what does that mean????"

Calfox thought and thought, frantically, and desperately, and...forced himself to remain calm again.
"The only way, is to break the execution of the program. But how? HOW? How do you back out of
an infinite loop, how.....wait. How do you back out? Well, if that works, that will save me. But if it doesn't work,
I'm going to feel stupid."

And yet, Calfox gathered himself up, holding onto his sword, his flask and chestnuts dangling in a sack at
his side (yes, at his side... )...) and began running backwards, as best he could. After a good bit of running backwards,
he had to turn and look behind him. The rocks and trees were closer. He kept running backwards, and sure as
the Dark Lord Buttock is a danger to all humankind, and sure as his mind-warped liberal orgs reeked of scent
more disgusting that skunk or burnt suflur.......

he reached the rocks and trees, and frantically dove to them. He felt himself hit solid ground, and
happily hugged an exposed root of a tree, and cried. He stood up and knew what he had to do now.

He thought of his Wonderful Cute Wife, all his family and friends back home, and of Merlin and
Griendielle, and realized his only remaining chance to save their future from the devastation of
all powerful evil.

He defiantly walked right back into the pit, he turned and ran toward the trees he just left, and they retreated
a hundred yards or more away. He laid face down in the muck, with his face laying on the edge of the hood
of his cape. And, he waited, and desperately told himself that whatever courage this required, he would muster it.
Later, after nearly an hour, Calfox heard dragon wings flapping in the distance, and as the dragon got closer,
he saw the shadow on the ground. He was frightened, but still. The dragon landed his own liberal muck,
stepped over Calfox, thinking him unconcious, or quite dead, as all the others had been.

Mustering every bit of Honor a freedom loving human being and American can muster, he quickly flipped to his
back, and thrust Merlin's magic sword up into the air, right toward the yellow liberal belly of the dragon. Up, up
the sword sailed, with an energy of it's own, faster and faster, spinning and glowing like a laser beam shot out
of a cannon, until it reached the dragon's soft underbelly, and twisted deep within the dragon's insides.

Why, the roar of the dragon was a hideous, monsterous scream of agony; the dragon staggered back, and turned
to face Calfox once more. "NO, NO !! It's CANNOT BE ! I'VE BEEN VANQUISHED BY A ...KNAVE?
Alas, stupid knave, at least you will die with me..."

Then the eyes of the monster went blank, and the dragon fell into the muck and died.

Calfox started to run backwards to the trees and rocks once more, to freedom. But, he paused,
and defiantly looked, and found Merlin's sword sticking out of the dragon's neck, and retrieved it.

And, once more, escaped the deadly dragon trap by running backwards, and, "backing out" of the
"infinite loop".

He walked past the rocks and trees, to the road, and took his new freedom road back through
the magnificent forest, all the way back to Merlin's house, and walked in.

"Griendielle !!! Where's Merlin? You won't believe it, but it's amazing, there was this infinite loop,
but I just backed out of it, which , really took a lot of time, but the dragon is dead, and the old man
at the cabin must have been him and then I almost was dragon supper and the horn sounded and..."

Griendielle laughed and said, "Sir Calfox, slow down, come and sit down. Have some dinner, and
we'll wait for Merlin to come back. Then you can start over, and try to take it a bit slower..." and laughed.

Merlin soon returned, walked up to Calfox, and hugged him. "Tell me, Calfox, before I have to check
my history sphere, did you slay the dragon?" to which Calfox admitted quietly, "Yes, Merlin. the dragon
is dead. I'll tell you all about it, and I'll even calm down and explain."

So it was, that Calfox sat at Merlin and Griendielle's dinner table over dinner, and recounted the whole story,
bit and bit. His audience was fascinated, and the evening wore on. Merlin stood up, and explained that
the news would cause the entire realm of that time to rejoice that the dreaded killer dragon was slain, and that he had to
attend a meeting of elders of their village, to explain, and send word out. He then nodded at Calfox and smiled
proudly, and winked at Griendielle, and left via the front door. Griendielle turned to Calfox and said,
"well, Sir Calfox, you must do me a grand favor, if you please..." Calfox smiled and said, "Most certainly,
help clear the table and help do the dishes I take it? I'm quite brave a warrior to do that, too..."
Griendielle smiled and and held her nose, saying, "Oh, no, Calfox, just please, PLEASE go to the
back porch, throw your dragon stink clothes into this bag for disposal. I'll go find you some other things to wear.

Truly, you tell a wonderful, honorable story, but ...Calfox, you reek of the worst, most appalling dragon stink
imagineable...." while holding her nose and laughing. Calfox hung his head and smiled, walking toward the back porch.

"Oh, and Calfox, when you tell your Wife what's happened with the dragon, perhaps you should change the ending.
I mean, seriously, Calfox, you "backed out literally, of some kind of loop?". and she tossed him a bag for his clothes,
and walked quickly back to the kitchen table, laughing out loud.

So, with his clothes in the bag at one end of the back porch, Calfox climbed into a large wooden tub.
It must have been pine, for the six knotholes around the top edge. Griendielle had drawn him a nice hot bath,
with different mints, other herbs, and something that made suds. He leaned back in his bath, and plopped his hands
on the edge of the tub.

And then, water jets thrust water around him like a turrent. A HOT TUB? Calfox frowned, and wondered how
the hell that was possible, in this time. "This is more ridiculous than the backing out thing. Who IS the goofball
who is writing this story, anyways?"

Then, Griendielle walked back out onto the back porch, laid a thick cloth on the edge of the wooden tub, and
smiling, said:

"Well, if you can do that ridiculous "backing out thing", Sir Calfox, we certainly can have a wooden hot tub.
You just stay there, and I'll go find you some new clothes that will fit you. See you in a bit"

Calfox laughed, and figured that nobody would ever be able to come up with a better ending to Calfox's Merlin Adventure.

He couldn't wait to get home, to write it all down, and have his Wife read it.

He mused to himself, "Maybe she'll want me to get it published and then...
nah. Nobody will believe it in a million years. Some real adventure, eh?"

THE END (Finally)

[Clevfan4life]

Is this "slaying the dragon" or just slaying the dragon?

[calfoxwc]

oh, come on. Surely there isn't any intelligent poster around here that didn't find

SOMETHING to laugh at in this goofy adventure.

 

I mean, come ..on.....

[The Cysko Kid]

You successfully slew my interest

[Clevfan4life]

I wont unlock this cool story but is it a euphemism? U know like "flogging the dolphin"? Calling it a dragon is probably a stretch even for cal

[Axe]