Cinderella (Amazon) review

[Westside Steve]

Cinderella

 Sony/Amazon

PG.            112 min

 

It's been a scant 6 years since the folks at Disney released a spectacular live-action version of the classic CINDERELLA story directed by no less than the legendary Kenneth Branagh. That's why I thought it was a tad soon to tackle the same project again but it seems the folks at Sony / Amazon thought otherwise. Hey, I realize that Amazon has an obscene amount of money and most people, or at least a lot of them, have Amazon Prime video and I decided to take a chance. So, here's the spoiler alert. Oh, it's not the kind of spoiler alert that gives away a clever ending it's the kind that alerts the audience to the fact its producers have spoiled what was once a charming and heartwarming story by stinking up the joint with a dreary politically correct sermon. I don't suppose a synopsis is all that necessary but we know that since her father's death Cinderella (singer Camila Cabello) is being cared for by the wicked stepmother and two ugly stepsisters.  They aren't actually as cruel as in previous versions but they do sneer at Ella's dream of becoming a great fashion designer.  Faithful to the Academy's new inclusion guidelines the fairy godmother (Now a homosexual black male Billy Porter) pulls some strings and our heroine gets to attend the ball where: she captures the prince’s heart, clock strikes 12, glass slipper, happily ever after yada yada yada.  You know the drill.  Meanwhile back at the castle the king (Pierce Brosnan) is trying to get his disinterested and vapid son (Nicholas Galitzine) married to a princess from a neighboring land thereby increasing the size of the kingdom.  Well, here’s the plot spoiler; that isn’t going to happen. As a matter of fact, the prince actually, oh what the heck, you can find out the ending for yourselves. All I will tell you is that Bella Abzug probably would have loved it.

 But at the end of the day CINDERELLA is a musical so we should expect an array of new and wonderful songs that will strict with audiences well after they left the theater, right?  Well, not really. Oh, they are fine songs it's just that they are seemingly random recent hits by various other artists, covered by the cast.  And while I have no reason to doubt that Cabello and the rest are good singers, the overpowering Autotune on every track makes it impossible to tell.   And as to all the cover songs did, I mention the soundtrack is on Epic Records a subsidiary of Sony? Maybe that's a coincidence.

 Still even with the lackluster performances Lame dialog and political pandering it wasn’t terrible. Still the best I can do is

C

WSS