2009 Fantasy Football Follies

[kshutchins]

Beanpot's League One:

The week started with DTBH and Ballantyne's Buckeyes at the top of the league with 3-1 records. The teams battled to a 66 point tie going into Sunday Night. It was Tennessee RB Lendale White for DTBH vs. Joseph Addai for the Buckeyes and the suspense was palpable. It didn't take long for Joseph Addai (22) to leave White (3) and DTBH in the dust. Final: Buckeyes 86 and a 4-1 record; DTBH (Dropped To Below Him) with 69 and a record of 3-2.

 

T's Jelly Donuts and Calfox KosarDawgs chatted amiably before their game. T's remarked, "This will be interesting, maybe we should sacrifice a liberal before the games. hehehe." As the matchup progressed, Calfox mumbled,"no fair, your Moreno trumps my dumb Buchhalter. dammit... GGG " Tension built as it became obvious it would be Kenny Britt v. Ronnie Brown for the win. When the score was 84-82 going into Monday night, T's lobbed, "This is going to be a close one..... maybe Kenny Britt wont catch a pass like BE." Calfox smashed back," Maybe Ronnie Brown will pull a hammy in pregame warmups." Ultimately T's sniffed, "Can You Smell It? The autumn winds of Victory." While Calfox groused, "It stinks. Congrats. ya bum." T's Jelly Donuts 103 and Calfox just nineteen points shy of victory with 85. Thus the Jelly Donuts bounded over DTBH to snag a share of first with a 4-1 record.

 

AlwAysLOsing mailed it in this week. Bye weeks and injuries had doubtful Roy Williams (0) in the lineup along with Darren McFadden who was out with a knee injury. With Aaron Rodgers on a bye, ALO's only choice at QB was NE QB/WR Julius Edelman (4). Nonetheless, Insert Clever Name played the first team starters and easily brought home the bacon, 103-39. Eat up, ICN!

 

Thanks to Derek and the Zombonos (55), Derek Anderson's -2 and Mike Sims-Walker's zero, Greenville Mayhem (84) is no longer winless! ::happy dance:: After a brutal week of threats, recriminations, and three-a-day practices, Mayhem's squad got the message. Romo took the reins at last, scoring 17 and grabbing the game ball for himself. Wes Welker (19) didn't think much of that idea and grabbed it back. The ensuing lockerroom brawl may not bode well for Mayhem next week.

 

Despite -1 points for QB David Garrard and -3 for Jacksonville's defense, the Usual Suspects squeaked by NavDawg's Browns 79-73 for the Suspects first and only win so far this season. RB Ahmad Bradshaw (23) and WR Ray Rice (21) were the high scorers, putting the Suspects in the unusual position as victors.

 

In a game that had 8 players starting either Sunday night or Monday, Beanpot convincingly defeated Jumpin' Jack Flash 81-69. Atlanta WR Roddy White (34) proved invaluable in the contest.

 

Flug's Cardiac Kids dropped to 3-2 after a loss to Huskymania, 69-110.

Full 'O Beans League TWO:

Bermeck's KY Hicks *- came to life this week and returned to their winning ways. The ASPCA and PETA will be investigating the whipping they gave to Oreo, the feline sensation, and her team, 130-63. Dallas WR Miles Austin (37) and ::cough:: Kellen Winslow (27) were the high scorers for the Hicks-* who were seen fondling the Viagra trophy as they boarded the team bus.

 

The Flying Turkeys and The Hammer both came to life in a battle to leave the basement. The Turkeys flew the coop by winning 112-96 behind double digit efforts by everyone on the team except kicker Ryan Longwell (9). Willis McGahee (1) and DeAngelo Williams (3) let the Hammer down and cost the team the game. In their search for the first win of the season, Hammer faces Bermy's Hicks next week.

 

Hammertime must have felt his stomach turn when he learned that Jax receiver Mike Sims-Walker was deactivated Sunday because he missed bed check Friday night. This left TJ Houshmandzadeh and his 22 points on the bench and a big fat zero on the scoreboard for hammertime. Justin Hermouf fared better, winning 106-83. For those of you who can't do math in your head, that's a 23 point difference. Had Houshmandzadeh actually been active for hammertime, the astonishing display of gridiron ineptitude in the Browns v. Bills game may have been a factor since Rian Lindell only registered 3 points for both the Bills and hammer.

 

The only player in double digits for Lambdo's Air Show was Philadelphia RB Brian Westbrook (10). Bo and the Boz won their third game in a row, 90-33.

 

Also winning their third in a row, Choo Choo's squeaked by Beanpot 86-82. Beans' Derrick Mason (Bal-WR) had zero catches for zero yards and zero points. Yahoo reports, "this was only the second goose-egg in Mason's stint with the Ravens." Also the Baltimore Sun reports,"Offensive coordinator Cam Cameron blamed himself for not getting Mason (zero catches) more involved in Week 5. "It falls squarely right here," Cameron said Wednesday. "It's unacceptable for that to happen. It's my responsibility — period. And we'll do everything we can — and I guarantee that it's not going to happen again...We've got to get that guy involved. He's one of our best players." Does that make you feel better, Beans?

 

The Double D's can use a lift; they lost their second game in a row and are now hovering just above The Hammer at the bottom of League Two. Dirty hands held down the D's 85-83.

Flugel's Fountain of Facts for League THREE:

Here's the latest in search of the greatest:

 

Team DangeRuss 121 Calfox KosarDawgs 99

The teams warmed up to "Who Let the Dawgs Out?" Then it got really DangeRuss as Roddy White scored 34, Kellen Winslow added 27 and TJ Howsmycelebrationdancelookin chipped in 22. Peyton Manning countered with 22 points but the rest of the Dawgs were on a short leash. The KosarDawgs dropped to 3-2 while DangeRuss improved to 2-3 and won this week's Viagra Award nomination for League Threefor most points scored but lost out overall to the Hicks in League One. Too bad this wasn't the Sunday he had the date.

 

Koa Krew 110 Flugelmaniacs 94

As Howard Cosell would say "The Koa can scoa!" They sure did as the scoreboard was lit with Donovan McNabb's 25 points plus Larry Fitzgerald's 22 and 20 more from the Vikings D. Andre Johnson led the Maniacs with 26 points while the Jets defense lost them 1 point. Koa Krew improved their record to 2-2-1. The Flugelmaniacs are now the 2nd highest scoring team in the league with 472 points but their record just dropped to 1-4.

 

RunnUuOVer 96 Project Showtime 85

In the plans to run someone over, the winning team pounded the rock with Michael Turner for 24 points. Matt Cassel and the Ravens Defense also contributed 18 points and 14 points respectively. Runn Uu OVer improved its record to 3-2. Meanwhile Project Showtime experienced their first loss of the season. The Project remained upbeat about the 21 point effort from Ray Rice and the 19 points Wes Welker added in his first game back from injury.

 

Dot the I 77 Kibbles & Vicks 58

When you have Ronnie Brown leading the way with 19 points - you can dot I, run the I or complete passes out of the WildDawg. Then add 17 points from Matt Schaub and another 14 points from Rashard Mendenhall and you see what team had a coach showered with gatoprdae on the sidelines after the game. Kibbles and Vicks would learn that starting an inactive Fred Taylor couple with -1 point from David Garrard wasn't enough to take advantage of the 24 points Brandon Marshall chipped in. Dot the I is now 2-2-1 and Kibbles and Vicks is 1-4.

 

Rice's Ryders 74 Charlie's Angels 64

Rice's Ryders downed Charlie's Angels with a "New York State of Mind." More specifically, Braylon Edwards and Eli Manning both scored 15 points while Hakim Nicks provided 13 points and the Bills Defense added 10. The Angels were led by Brady's Bunch of points. 14 to be exact plus 11 points from Ochocinco. Rice's Ryders are now 3-2 while Charlie's Angels are 1-4.

 

Waiting for Noodles 67 Believeland 67

Evidently this seems to be as close as it gets to beating Thaak's Believeland. Matt Ryan paved the way for Waiting for Noodles with 22 points. This combined well with Tim Hightower's 14 points and the 10 points the Bengals' Defense added. Believeland fought back with 18 points from Adrian Peterson, 16 points from both Reggie Wayne and the Giants Defense. Believeland is all alone in 1st place with a 4-0-1 record. Waiting for Noodles is 2-2-1.

 

The Fabulous Five Power Standings

1. Believeland 4-0-1 459 pts 2. Project Showtime 4-1-0 471 pts

3. Calfox K-Dawgs 3-2-0 480 pts 4. Runn Uu OVer 3-2-0 405 pts

5. Rice's Ryders 3-2-0 386 pts

 

The Heidi Report is here:

My Helmet's 2Tight 85

Ballantyne Behemoths 60

 

Doctors of Gridiron 76

WV Hoopies 104

 

WPBDawgFan 92

Brownies 113

 

FBrulzn 97

Brown'sFanInDallas 55

 

BOHICA 96

Timugen's Tool 58

 

LCDawgfan13 88

One Man Wolf Pac 65

 

My Helmet's 2Tight: Kellen Winslow 27, Joseph Addai 20

Ballantyne Behemoths: Ronnie Brown 19, Tom Brady 14

Although the heavy favorite in the voting, the Behemoths received their first loss this week. When asked how it happened, the Behemoth's coach said, My team came down with swine flu and were not themselves. When the reports asked Helmet's coach about the win, they were answered with snickers and the coach hiding something suspicious behind the podium.

 

 

Doctors of Gridiron: Ben Roethlisberger 21, Tim Hightower & Lawrence Tynes w/14

WV Hoopies: Nate Burleson & Michael Turner w/24, Matt Ryan 22

Doctors got the votes but Hoopies got the win this week. Doctors gave Hoopies his props and said great comeback or something along those lines and showed he has some class.

Hoopies needs to keep an eye on WR Nate Burleson in week 6. He was limited in Thursday's practice.

 

 

WPBDawgFan: Brandon Marshall 24, Matt Schaub 17

Brownies: Roddy White 34, Wes Welker 19

In case you missed the lead story on ESPN, Brownies had a great week and grabbed his first win of the season and was seen dancing in the endzone and then jumping into the stands.

No doubt Roddy white was a big help. After the game reporters tried to get an interview but apparently, once he went into the stands, he never came back. Police questioned fans as they left the stadium but no leads so far,

Congrats Brownies!

 

 

FBrulz: Larry Fitzgerald 22, Kurt Warner 18

BrownsFanInDallas: Clinton Portis 18, Brett Farve 9

In this weeks Toyota Biggest Fantasy Blowout by +42 points, FBrulz wins this contest. His Minnesota Defense was a big help with 20 points and QB Warner is no longer on the Injured list.

Don't feel bad, Brown'sFanInDallas, FBrulz is undefeated so far.

 

BOHICA: Payton Manning & T.J. Houshmandzadeh w/22, Cedric Benson 17

Timugen's Tool: Ahmad Bradshaw 23, Jason Witten & David Akers w/8

BOHICA'S QB Peyton Manning practiced Wednesday and showed no ill effects of being hit on his left (plant) knee during last Sunday night's game at Tennessee.

RB Bradshaw lead Timugen's Tool's team in points this week but watch out for that sprained ankle this coming week, he may not get that many (if any) points for ya. But, I'm sure Tool can come back from this and possibly pull off a win in week 6.

 

 

LCDawgfan13 : Adrian Peterson & Hines Ward w/18, Reggie Wayne 16

One Man Wolf Pac: Andre Johnson 26, Rob Bironas 12

In this match up, it was "Dawg" vs. Wolf and Dawg came out on top in this fight. It's the not the size of the dawg in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dawg and Dawg's players came through with a lot of help from WR Hines Ward who is having a very good season so far. He has 7 passes and has 33 receptions.

They say when a wolf is dying, he goes off into the woods to die alone. Could this be the fate of Lone Wolf? Or is he looking to get a perfect record in the wrong direction? Guess we'll have to wait and see.

 

Standings:

 

1. FBrulz 5-0-0 1.000 431 W-5

2. Ballantyne Behemoths 4-1-0 .800 444 L-1

3. Doctors of Gridiron 3-2-0 .600 429 L-1

4. My Helmet's 2Tight 3-2-0 .600 428 W-1

5. LCDawgfan13 3-2-0 .600 411 W-2

6. Timugen's Tool 3-2-0 .600 397 L-2

7. WPBDawgFan 2-3-0 .400 391 L-1

8. BOHICA 2-3-0 .400 370 W-1

9. WV Hoopies 2-3-0 .400 3 56 W-1

10. Brown'sFanInDallas 2-3-0 .400 304 L-1

11. Brownies 1-4-0 .200 342 W-1

12. One Man Wolf Pac 0-5-0 .000 355 L-5

 

 

 

I want to thank the coaches in League 4 for voting more! It makes it more interesting. Sometimes the one that gets the least votes wins. And I'm sure the other coaches appreciate it as well.

 

Now that the "thanks" button is gone, we expect a few of you goobers who actually read this stuff to comment so we know you're out there. We're not burning up our keyboards for the development of digital dexterity! We want praise and glory too!

 

Go Browns!

[Flugel]

Now that the "thanks" button is gone, we expect a few of you goobers who actually read this stuff to comment so we know you're out there. We're not burning up our keyboards for the development of digital dexterity! We want praise and glory too!

 

Go Browns![/b][/size]

 

 

THANKS KATHY!!!! Well done. The leagues are heating up and that Viagra thing is bouncing all over the place. Now that you're in the winning column - we're gonna have to come up with another award when you or Heidi get the highest score.

 

Ideas are definitely welcome here folks...

- Tom F.

[Mark O]

Well done...

 

I read this a lot more when my team has won 2 in a row...

[Cowsrus]

Great job as always Tom & Kathy! And my thanks to both of yuns.

 

Yep, sent you League 4's report. Sorry it was a smidge late guys! But I didn't forget ya League 4! I just hope mine can keep up with both of yours, you guys keep me in stitches. I don't know how you're gonna get it in here Kathy? Maybe just add it as a reply? I don't know how to do all that fancy stuff so I'm glad you're in charge!

 

But a hint as to the goings on, one undefeated team got it's first lost thanks to yours truly and one team has kept it's perfect losing streak in tact.

 

 

Heidi

[Cowsrus]

The Heidi Report is on its way and will be tacked here sometime Friday.

 

Now that the "thanks" button is gone, we expect a few of you goobers who actually read this stuff to comment so we know you're out there. We're not burning up our keyboards for the development of digital dexterity! We want praise and glory too!

 

Go Browns!

 

So true Kathy! It's nice to know that those that can read...do. It doesn't take much to make us happy. While praise and glory are great and are mucho appreciated, we also accept monetary donations as well

 

Heidi

[Cowsrus]

THANKS KATHY!!!! Well done. The leagues are heating up and that Viagra thing is bouncing all over the place. Now that you're in the winning column - we're gonna have to come up with another award when you or Heidi get the highest score.

 

Ideas are definitely welcome here folks...

- Tom F.

 

 

A date with George Clooney works for me Tom! How bout you Kathy? Shall we spit him? You one week and me the next or according to how our wins go.

 

Heidi

[Mr. T]

Praise & Glory!!1

 

You deserve it, everyone loves what you write.

 

 

Another job well done by kshutchins!!!!!!

 

[kshutchins]

The Heidi Report has been added so I hope y'all will scroll back up and enjoy Heidi's handiwork. Tom and Heidi do a fantastic job of writing for their respective leagues and I appreciate it tremendously!

 

 

[kshutchins]

A date with George Clooney works for me Tom! How bout you Kathy? Shall we spit him? You one week and me the next or according to how our wins go.

 

Heidi

 

George Clooney was here in the Upstate of SC when Leatherheads was being filmed. My accountant was an extra in the movie and says George is a thoroughly nice guy. Since my teams are less than stellar this year, I'm sure you can have him all to yourself. I'll have to settle for the dregs from the bottom of the barrel. Come to think of it, the dregs might not be too bad if they're from a fine barrel of nicely aged wine! George Clooney v. a nice bottle of wine...... hmmm.... I'm afraid the wine would probably win out.

[ballpeen]

Anytime I beat Beanpot at fantasy anything it makes me feel like I did something, so I don't want to hear about his stupid receiver not catching anything

 

It was simply a superior force exerting it's dominance.

 

 

Thanks for the report.

[lambdo]

My team was an embarassment last week. YUCK.

 

Thanks again.

[Timugen]

[calfoxwc]

I LOVE these reports ! It's as much fun to read them as it is to win games, Rof,l !

 

My Kosardawgs won both games last week because they listened to me, a brilliant coach.

 

This week, they lost both games because any other ff team's coach would have outcoached me. GGG

 

It's all fun, and nearly impossible to run the table for anyone, even Beans, with all the competition.

 

I actually have 6 players on bye week on one of my teams this coming week. "brilliant"

[Riffer X]

Team DangeRuss is done playing possum, but this was a hella week. I'm still a little sore.

[CIMO.]

Bo continues to carry the Boz into the endzone as they get ready to move back into first place.

 

Great job as usual on the writeups.

[WVBrownsfan]

Great job everyone !!

[Flugel]

A date with George Clooney works for me Tom! How bout you Kathy? Shall we spit him? You one week and me the next or according to how our wins go.

 

Heidi

 

There you go Heidi! That'll give you oneupsmanship forever if you defeat one of our handsome competitors and take home Clooney.

 

Thanks for all of your entertaining weekly writeups!

- Tom F.

[Flugel]

The Heidi Report has been added so I hope y'all will scroll back up and enjoy Heidi's handiwork. Tom and Heidi do a fantastic job of writing for their respective leagues and I appreciate it tremendously!

 

 

Thanks Kathy! You and Heidi took the entertainment level of these leagues to another level so I appreciate you allowing me to be a part of it. Win or lose, this has become a FUN way to enjoy football season while our Browns are still working through transition.

- Tom F.

[calfoxwc]

So, while I figure out if I have enough legit starters to field a team on both leagues.

 

I see the Thanks button is back.

 

Where's the UNThank button?