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THE BROWNS BOARD

Fantasy Football Follies Week Eight


kshutchins

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beanpothockey.jpgBeanpot's League One:

 

Jumpin' Jack Flash jumped for joy tongue.jpg over a 6-2-0 record and sole possession of 1st place. Chris Johnson (Ten-RB) received the game ball for his 29 point performance against Jacksonville in the 84-79 defeat of the Ballantyne Buckeyes. The loss was a blow to the Buckeyes who lost their third in a row. The Buckeyes' management remained mute after the loss, posting only the team slogan "Offense wins Championships."

 

Beanpot has won four and a row and is hot on the heels of Jumpin' Jack Flash. Bean's latest victory over Insert Clever Name was led by Maurice Jones-Drew (24). An unstudly one point performance from Marc Bulger contributed to ICN's loss.

 

Derek and the Zombonos are no more. Zombo's team, under the leadership of quarterback Derek Anderson (1) defeated Huskymania 82-57. Zombo responded to the victory by releasing DA, acquiring Brady Quinn large_quinn_hair.jpg and changing the team moniker to "The Mighty Quinnbos." The league mourns the loss of the Zombonos. An unnamed league source stated, "I'm only sorry we won't have the [Zombonos] to kick around any more." In response to queries about the move, the Quinnbos GM would only state categorically that "Quinn will NOT start this week." Huskymania, disappointed in the performance of QB Peyton Manning (6) glumly vowed to "do a thorough analysis" of his quarterback situation.

 

Navdawg's Browns succumbed to an overdose of T's Jelly Donuts 65-69. The Browns suffered from weak performances by Matt Ryan (5) and Arizona's Defense (GooseEgg.jpg). Matt Forte (22) was unable to compensate for the stinky performances by teammates. T's QB Donovan McNabb (21) drove the Donuts' GM to simply declare, "Wow, Matt Ryan really smells." Navdawg, like the proverbial cheese, stands alone at the bottom of the league. While exploring the basement facilities, the beer kegs were found to be empty and the hot tub, cold. This could explain why the Zombonos/Quinnbos vacated the premises.

 

Also played: The Usual Suspects 71-49 over Flugel's Cardiac Kids: DTBH defeated Mayhem, 76-58.

Games to watch: Mayhem v. Suspects; Navdawg v. Buckeyes, AlwAysLOsing v. Quinnbonos; The winners to decide who occupies the cellar.

 

potobeans.jpgFull o' Beans League Two

choo-choo-300x275.jpgChoo Choo's railroaded The Hammer in the Toyota Biggest Fantasy Blowout, 108-43, a 65 point margin. Choo Choos accomplished this feat even though Tashard Choice (who?) notched a goose egg. Contributing to the victory was Chicago's defense who racked up 26 points in the game against they-who-shall-not-be-named until they start playing like a real professional football team. The Hammer took the loss stoicly, brushing away cobwebs from the basement rafters.

 

The Hammer was joined in the cellar by the Double D's who registered their 5th loss in a row by losing to Oreo's Team 64-60. The Fabulous Feline had Matt Forte (22) to thank for helping the team squeak by the D's. In the post game presser, Oreo hissed, "I can't explain why the Double D's left McNabb (21) and Hightower (19) on the bench, but we'll take the W's however we can get 'em!"

 

Bo knows fantasy? We're beginning to wonder. Percy Harvin (16) and Ryan Moats (29) sat out the game for Bo and the Boz, leading to the season's first tie. The Battle of the Boz v. Justin Hermouf ended knotted at 89. Excellent bye week management helped Hermouf avoid a loss. Game ball to the Boz for strategic benching of key players.

 

Dirty hands can't be happy about the tie; It's the only reason dirty hands doesn't have a share of first place. The Flying Turkeys couldn't get off the ground so dirty hands parlayed the points of Reggie Wayne (27) and Chris Johnson (29) to gain a convincing victory 107-59 over the birds.

 

Beanpot has to be feeling some pain this week. Opponent hammertime elected not to field a substitute for the idle Pittsburgh defense, causing Yahoo's outcome-predicting guru to give Beans the edge prior to the contest. It had to be the week Brett Favre returned to Lambeau Field with inspired (28 points) play. The Favre effect tipped the balance in hammertime's favor, edging out Beanpot 88-87. Ouch!saddog.jpg

 

Though Bermeck's Ky Hicks were defeated in their matchup with Lambdo's Air Show, one of the more unusual scoring anomalies turned up on the Hicks' side of the ledger. Kicker, Josh Brown, who connected on a 36 yard toss to Daniel Fells on a fake field goal, registered 6 fantasy points for the resulting touchdown.

 

Flugel's League 3 - Surviving Halloween in Week 8...

Flugelmaniacs 92 Dot the I 52

 

The Flugelmaniacs dressed up as a football team for Halloween and decided to stay in costume all weekend. The reason? They wanted to show Dot the I that there is no I in team. Terrell Owens took offense to this challenge with 14 points and pounded his chest with "I got your No I right here!" Unfortunately, the rest of his teammates found him too offensive to join in. Brett Favre led the Maniacs to victory with 28 points while the Saints D added 15 and Derrick Mason and Steve Smith both added 12 apiece. The Flugelmaniacs improved to 2-6 while Dot the I dropped to 4-3-1.

 

Waiting for Noodles 120 Calfox KosarDawgs 74

 

Waiting for Noodles had plenty of trick or treats and even a little voo-doo ready for Calfox. Aaron Rodgers and the Bears Defense scored 26 points apiece. Vincent Jackson added another 20 and Tim Hightower chipped in 19 points. The KosarDawgs added a little Gore in the form of 19 points in their efforts to find their offense. However, the rest of that Calfox cast got lost about as quickly as the cast in the Blair Witch Project. We've got some Joe Friday types investigating things and we'll let you know the details once they have completed their research. Waiting for Noodles is now 5-2-1 while Calfox is 3-5 and looking for holy water.

 

Project Showtime 88 Charlie's Angels 61

 

Project Showtime haunted Charlie's Angels as Chris Johnson provided all the Paranormal Activity necessary to score 29 points on the friendly visitors. Ray Rice added another 17 points while Dallas "In-Chains" Clark spooked the Angels with another 14 points. The only Angels that wanted to dress and fight like Devils were LaDanian Tomlinson and Miles Austin. They did a Hell of a job too as they both scored 15 points. That said, the rest of the team wanted to play nice and make their halos visible and obvious. Project Showtime is now all alone in 1st place with a 7-1 record while the Angels dropped to 3-5.

 

Victory Formation 97 Runn UuOVer 69

 

Victory Formation broke out the chainsaw for RunnUuOVer and chased them all the way to Texas with some serious power voltage. Donovan McNabb plugged in the scoreboard with 21 points while Pierre Thomas contributed 18 points and DeSean Jackson provided 14 more. When Michael Turner heard the chainsaw - it was a good thing he had the football in his hands because he scored 16 points without getting caught. The rest of his team wasn't so lucky as RunnUuOVer fell to 3-5. The good news is they are still alive. Meanwhile Victory Formation found the power tools were really productive toward improving their record to 4-3-1. That might not be good news for the rest of League 3.

 

Team DangeRuss 76 Kibbles & Vicks 71

 

The last place Kibbles & Vicks wanted to be on the weekend of Halloween was on the homefield of DangeRuss. This gridiron was rumored to be sodded over an old Pet Cemetery. That might explain why Kibbles & Vicks looked like they were being terrorized by a bunch of furry ghosts all night. Roddy White started the chase with 17 points before Steven Jackson added the growl with 19 points. None of that compared to the 21 point bite from the dog best known as Dallas' newest eligible bachelor - Tony Romo. Maurice Jones-Drew hurried Kibbles & Vicks through this nightmare with 24 points until the final whistle sounded the morning alarm clock. DangeRuss has improved to 4-4 while Kibbles & Vicks woke up on Elm Street to another nightmare that they are now in last place tied with Flugel's Follies.

 

Rice's Ryders 85 Believeland 83

 

If you were looking for the Thriller last weekend - this was the game in Gotham City. Rice's Ryders had Matt Forte showing off the hip movements of Gayle Sayers blended with the footwork of Michael Jackson as he danced and dashed his way to 22 points. Greg Jennings added 19 points and Marques Colston pitched in 17 more for the winning team. Reggie Wayne, not to be confused with Bruce Wayne, gave a Superhero's performance (27 points) for Believeland in a much better looking uniform than Batman. Adrian Peterson showed up wearing Superman's Cape as he muscled in another 15 points for Believeland. That guy sure can fly. Needless to say, the game was extended into a sudden death shootout. After the final gun was sounded, the eerie laughter of Vincent Price was heard over the stadium speakers as Rice's Ryders survived by the margin of a safety. How's that for irony? The Ryders improved to 4-4 while Believeland has moved closer to the pack at 5-2-1.

 

Fabulous 5 Power Rankings

1. Project Showtime 7-1-0 797 pts

2. Believeland 5-2-1 714 pts

3. Waiting for Noodles 5-2-1 701 pts

4. Victory Formation 4-3-1 724 pts

5. Dot the I 4-3-1 533 pts

 

The Heidi Report:

 

My Helmet's 2Tight 71

Brownies 94

 

Ballantyne Behemoths 74

LCDawgfan13 63

 

Doctors of Gridiron 94

BOHICA 80

 

WPBDawgFan 63

FBrulz 42

 

WV Hoopies 52

One Man Wolf Pac 69

 

Timugen's Tool 108

Brown'sFanInDallas 117

 

My Helmet's 2Tight 4-4-0: Drew Brees & Braylon Edwards both w/14

Brownies 4-4-0 : Matt Forte 22, Roddy White 17

 

Brownies were the victors in this match up. Helmet had 2 players on a bye week so maybe that had something to do with it. When head coach for Helmet was asked if the bye week played a part in their loss, he replied, "We got caught with our pants down, won't happen again."Even though RB Matt Forte had 90 yards on 26 carries - an unimpressive 3.5-yard average - and he still has just one 100-yard game this season, it was enough to earn this matchup Toyota's Biggest Fantasy Blowout for this week. When Brownies were asked to respond to Helmet's coach simply said, They were caught with their pants down so we spanked 'em.

 

Ballantyne Behemoths 6-2-0: Maurice Jones-Drew 24, Vincent Jackson 20

LCDawgfan13 5-3-0: Jonathan Stewart 17, Adrian Peterson 15

 

Behemoths' Jones-Drew had runs of 80 and 79 yards, but wasn't involved in the passing game as he only had one reception which was enough to get the win this week.LCDdawgfan13's RB Jonathan Stewart added two touchdowns. Not bad considering his been dealing with a touch Achille's tendon all season.

 

Doctors of Gridiron 5-3-0: Steven Jackson 19, Donovan McNabb 20

BOHICA 4-4-0: Greg Jennings 19, LaDainian Tomlinson 15

 

With only one TD thrown so far this year, Doctors' QB came back from two poor performances to help him win this week. BOHICA's WR Greg Jennings had a season-high eight catches for 88 yards, including a 10-yard touchdown in the fourth quarter, only his second for this season.

 

WPBDawgFan 4-4-0: Brent Celek 14, Kevin Smith 10

FBrulz 6-2-0: Larry Fitzgerald 10, Thomas Jones 8

 

TE Brent Celek has a team-high 37 catches in the Eagles' first seven games. And this is FBrulz 2nd loss. I'm sure he'll be back in fighting form next week.

 

WVHoopies 2-6-0: Michael Turner 16, Marion Barber 10

One Man Wolf Pac 1-7-0: Percy Harvin 16, Tony Gonzalez 11

 

Well, it finally happened ladies and gentleman, in case you missed ESPN, Wolf Pac got their first win of the season. Head coach for Wolf Pac last week said changes were being made and not to count them out and his response was "Told Ya so, nanny nanny boo boo". WV Hoopies' TE Owen Daniels is out for the season with a torn ACL, ouch. He was on a pace for 80 catches, 1,000 yards and 10 touchdowns. When reporters asked about giving up a win to Wolf Pac he just gritted his teeth and said< "I go yer nanny nanny boo boo right here (obscene gesture). Bite me" This also was just his 2nd loss of the season.

 

Timugen's Tool 4-4-0: Aaron Rodgers 26, Frank Gore 19

Brown'sFanInDallas 3-5-0: Chris Johnson 29, Brett Farve 28

 

This was League 4's only triple digit scoring game in week 8. Tool's QB suffered a toe sprain on one foot and aggravated a sprain in the other foot on Sunday but should be okay to start Sunday. Brown'sFan's QB Farve was booed loudly by angry Lambeau Field fans. It didn't seem to affect him though. He threw four touchdowns and no interceptions and finished with seven TD passes and no picks against the Packers this season. Favre's 16 touchdowns are tied for most in the NFL.

 

Standings:

 

1. Ballantyne Behemoths 6-2-0 .750 729 W-1

2. FBrulz 6-2-0 .750 680 L-1

3. Doctors of Gridiron 5-3-0 .625 708 W-1

4. LCDawgfan13 5-3-0 .625 622 L-1

5. Timugen's Tool 4-4-0 .500 694 L-1

6. My Helmet's 2Tight 4-4-0 .500 690 L-1

7. WPBDawgFan 4-4-0 .500 633 W-1

8. BOHICA 4-4-0 .500 628 L-1

9. Brownies 4-4-0 .500 612 W-4

10. Brown'sFanInDallas 3-5-0 .375 516 W-1 1 -

11. WV Hoopies 2-6-0 .250 550 L-3

12. One Man Wolf Pac 1-7-0 .125 539 W-1

 

 

Happy Bye week everyone! Enjoy some quality time with your family. They'll love ya for it and forgive all your Browns-related trespasses.

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Awesome work Kathy - thanks! I really enjoy reading this column every week. It's an uplifting reminder that football season can indeed be fun! We've got 50 teams in 4 divisions to read about thanks in large to the Overall Commish - Beanpot. Take a bow my man - that's a good job by you!

 

The Heidi Report continues to be a great read for us too - much appreciated Heidi. That's a real competitive league when only 2 games seperates 1st place from 9th place.

 

Last but not least, let's remember what Coach Atenears always tells his little leaguers about sportsmanship so we can practice the etiquette every week:

"We don't shake their hands unless we've kicked their asses!"

 

As you were...

- Tom F.

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Great read as usual Tom and Kathy! Thank you for your time and effort.

 

And Tom, you are so right, we should remember to thank the head cheese himself over-dey...Beanpot. I hope we're making the boss proud :huh: . There could be concequences, dire concequences if he's not happy. Just kidding, please don't fine me.

 

 

Heidi

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Bo knows fantasy? We're beginning to wonder. Percy Harvin (16) and Ryan Moats (29) sat out the game for Bo and the Boz, leading to the season's first tie. The Battle of the Boz v. Justin Hermouf ended knotted at 89. Excellent bye week management helped Hermouf avoid a loss. Game ball to the Boz for strategic benching of key players.

 

In Bo's defense, he picked up Ryan Moats after his 29 point performance.

 

Bo still knows fantasy. Still hates ties.

 

bb07.jpg

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In Bo's defense, he picked up Ryan Moats after his 29 point performance.

 

 

In terms of this little column, I take any opportunity to have a little fun! (Good defense)

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Derek and the Zombonos are no more. Zombo's team, under the leadership of quarterback Derek Anderson (1) defeated Huskymania 82-57. Zombo responded to the victory by releasing DA, acquiring Brady Quinn large_quinn_hair.jpg and changing the team moniker to "The Mighty Quinnbos." The league mourns the loss of the Zombonos. An unnamed league source stated, "I'm only sorry we won't have the [Zombonos] to kick around any more." In response to queries about the move, the Quinnbos GM would only state categorically that "Quinn will NOT start this week."

 

We won two straight with Derek at the helm, but Quinn is so damn cute I couldn't help myself.

 

Zombo

--and have you seen his wonderlics!

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