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Eclipse Twilight Saga 3

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Eclipse (Twilight Saga 3)

Summit Ent

PG 13 124 min



OK, I shoulda known better. I was warned just as surely as words appearing in blood in a dead mans bedroom. No less than the dying utterance of an ancient blind shaman.

But I was foolish, as foolish as the dumbass that grabs the flashlight and explores the darkness in a slasher flick.

Hey the TWILIGHT series has raked in a boatload of money right? Surely they can afford a screenwriter or a couple actors right? Well, sure, they can. But to paraphrase Mel Brooks, “Should we give this money to the writers or keep it for ourselves?”

And we should remember the response to that one…

Anyway, I still don’t particularly hate the premise. Angst ridden teen nerd “Bella” (Kristin Stewart) girl is torn between two lovers, Edward the vampire (Robert Pattison) and Jacob the werewolf (Taylor Lautner).

As we know that choice is complicated by the fact that the howlers and bloodsuckers are in a kind of cold war with each other.

Fortunately for the producers there’s a much hotter war between the two sects of vampires; we’ll call them the good ones and the bad ones. Whatever they’re fighting over apparently concerns Bella (perhaps they’re representatives of the thespian police) but that means the good vampires and the werewolves must form a shaky alliance.

See Bella wants to marry Edward but that means becoming one of the undead. Jacob wants to marry Bella and though she’ll be able to stay human she’ll probably need to get used to him chewing her slippers and pooping on the rug every full moon.

Decisions decisions.

Your decision is whether or not to sit through two hours of sheer boredom at the hands of these constantly whining refugees from a Gap ad, five minutes of cheesy battle and some acting that makes the cast of SAVED BY THE BELL look like the Royal Shakespeare Company.

Choose wrong and you can need to amuse yourselves by counting the few scenes in which Jacob wears a shirt and Bella isn’t mouth breathing.

It sucks and I don’t necessarily mean blood.






Email westsidesteve@aol.com



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