The Onion on the BUCS

[Astro40]

NEW YORK—During a visit with the team Wednesday, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell told the New York Jets to lower their Super Bowl expectations, suggesting they consider setting more manageable goals for the 2010-2011 season. "As commissioner, you hate to see one of your teams get disappointed, so I just told them, 'Look, the Super Bowl isn't for everybody,'" said Goodell, adding that while he understands the Jets went deep into the playoffs last season, it's important for them to recognize the difference between being a solid contender and a fluke hot streak. "A wild-card berth, that's realistic. Hell, going 8-8 and missing the playoffs by a game would be a pretty darn good season for them." After visiting the Jets, Goodell caught a plane to Tampa Bay, where he told the entire Buccaneers squad they should look into learning a trade or maybe going into sales.

 

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[Armchair Bronco]

Man, I love The Onion.

[Armchair Bronco]

By the way, here's is The Onion's summary of the Browns:

 

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Cleveland Browns

 

•Strength: N/A

 

•Weakness: Okay, where to begin? Let's see, Jake Delhomme is their starting quarterback. Bobby Engram, their 37-year-old starting wide receiver, caught 5 passes last year. Running back Jamal Lewis was cut in the off-season. Man, this is fun and easy! What else? Okay! They're in a constant state of rebuilding and have no team identity, the future of the franchise is Colt McCoy, and their biggest asset is team president and non-football-player Mike Holmgren

 

•Strength: Oh, just thought of one: dog faces

 

•Player to Watch: To see Colt McCoy become a starter too early, get extremely flustered, and have a terrible rookie season could be quite delightful

 

•Biggest Question: How soon will fans bust out the paper bags?