WOOF WOOF: Week Eight

[kshutchins]

Beanpot's League:

Greenville Mayhem solidified the lead in this league by winning their 8th consecutive game. "I really thought this would be a tough week, " the Mayhem GM offered. "With Roddy White, Matt Forte and Brandon Jacobs on a bye, I was braced for the Ballantyne Buckeyes to take this one." The Buckeyes were feeling confident when Calvin Johnson put up 33 points in an early game. Greenville Mayhem counted on just three teams in this week's contest. New Orleans, coming off of a bitter defeat by the Cleveland Browns, faced the Pittsburgh Steelers; Denver, after a humiliating shellacking, faced the SF 49ers; and Minnesota tried to fight off the NE Patriots. The interesting part of the contest was New Orleans versus Pittsburgh. Greenville Mayhem started Devery Henderson (4), Robert Meachem (11) and New Orleans' Defense (11) against the Ballantyne Buckeyes' Ben Roethlisberger (1) and Hines Ward (4). Denver's Kyle Orton, rebounding nicely, added 10 points to Mayhem's total along with 7 from Knowshon Moreno, and 4 from Kicker Matt Prater (4). Minnesota completed mop-up duty by tacking on points from Adrian Peterson (20) and Percy Harvin (14). Final: Mayhem 82, Buckeyes 74. Week Nine promises to be another challenging week for Mayhem who will be forced to rely on Romo replacement Jon Kitna at QB against Insert Clever Name while trying to make it 9 wins in a row.

 

Closest to the top behind Mayhem: Dot the I, The Usual Suspects, and Texas Chainsaw Massaquoi.

 

Dot the I was disappointed in the attempt to claw his way closer to the top. Kenny Britt (0) and San Diego's Defense (0) opened the door for The Usual Suspects. "Late QB change based on some info and a hunch. Hope it works out," declared the Suspects' GM after naming Matthew Stafford the starter at 12:53 P.M. on Sunday. Stafford delivered a real Halloween treat, derailing Dot the I's plan to move closer to the lead.

 

It must have been Halloween that inspired Chainsaw in the massacre of NavDawg's Browns. Jamaal Charles and Antonio Gates each contributed 19 points to the slaughter. NavDawg was not only brutalized by Texas Chainsaw Massaquoi; his own team added to the brutality. Randy Moss (1), who has had an interesting week since, was one of the offenders. Chainsaw 93, NavDawg 50. Chainsaw snags the Toyota Greatest Fantasy Victor award.

 

Beanpot and Calfox are going to have to duke it out over the Viagra Award this week, each winning with a league leading 96 points. Beans fired up Jason Whitten (22) and Arian Foster (25) to squish the Jelly out of T's Donuts by a score of 96-79. T is not resting on whatever it is that losing teams rest on. He's been one of the most active GM's seeking help for his team with 20 transactions since the start of the season.

 

While Beans was mashing the Jelly Donuts, Calfox KosarDawgs were having their way with Insert Clever Name. Brandon Lloyd (24) and Andre Johnson (20) delivered the fatal blow in the 96-55 trouncing. So how should Beans and Calfox decide who gets the Viagra Award?

 

In other action, a struggling Huskymania was victimized by Zombo. The WildDawgs knocked off 'mania 76-53. It was Huskymania's stubborn adherence to an all-GB team that left Vince Young (17), Steve Breaston (17), and BenJarvus Green-Ellis (20) texting on the bench while guzzling the lastest cool sports drink. I guess winning ISN'T everything if you're a Browns fan rooting for the Packers??

 

Oreo's League:

 

I thought I was seeing double Monday morning when checking the league scores. (We really need the "double rainbow" dude doing this report.) DD's won the top spot by a score of 66-44 over dirty hands. (Whoa. TWO double numbers! AND double letters in the team name!) This may have been the luckiest matchup of the season for DD's (omigod ... oh ... the double letters .... oh, oh) who would have been defeated by 8 of the 12 teams in Oreo's League. Instead, they managed to "wash those dirty hands" as planned. Rising star Chris Ivory (0) failed to produce but T.O. (21) easily took up the slack to insure a Double D (DOUBLE D!!!! ) victory. Dirty hands are in a world of hurt with both QBs, Favre and Gradkowski, banged up and four of their other starters on a bye for week 9. The dirty hands' next opponent, Lambdo's Air Show were observed doing a happy dance over the opportunity to surge ahead in the standings.

 

Speaking of Lambdo, the Air Show was able to pull off an upset over the down to earth Choo Choo's, (another DOUBLE name ... Oh... Oh... ) who were favored. Unexpected bursts from BenJarvus Green-Ellis (20), Antonio Gates (19), and Mike Williams (17) helped the Air Show surge ahead even though Arian Foster (25) fought hard for Choo Choo's (this is too much). It was the fourth tough loss for Choo Choo's (omigod, double words, I can't believe it) who actually lead the league in points but have settled into 7th place as a result of 681 points against. By comparison, the league leading DD's (Whoa.... double letters) have benefited from only 570 points against so far this season. Clearly strength of schedule has been a factor in determining overall standings.

 

Kamac19 added to the double digits (sob .... it's so beautiful ... I can't believe it) by defeating Bronx Browns (whoa ... two B's) 66 (whoa ... dude... ) to 43. Philip Rivers (16) and Lance Moore (16) (WHOA!! another double!!!!) gave Kamac the shot in the arm they needed to win.

 

Brace yourselves. (This is where double-rainbow guy really loses it.) We had a tie! Oreo's Team and Beanpot finished the week knotted at .... wait for it ... 88! (WHOA .... omigod, omigod, omigod ... this is unbelievable. I've never seen anything like this before! Whoa.... :: hypervenitilating:: ) Oreo's decision to start an injured Steven Jackson (4) over Percy Harvin (14) or Nate Washington (17) cost the cat a win. Representatives of the fabulous feline report that Oreo stands by the decision to start Jackson who, she felt, gave the team it's best opportunity to win. Matthew Stafford (28) did a fabulous job standing in for an idle Eli Manning in a game that was a battle against a strong Beanpot team. It was only an unfortunate injury to Kenny Britt (0) that blocked the road to victory for Beans. Both teams will be watching to see whether or not the tie works as an advantage over the course of the season.

 

Ben There Raped That started Ben Rothlisthingie (1) and Braylon Edwards (3) but won anyway. hammertime (TRIPLE m's!!!) was stunned by Hines Ward (4), Felix Jones (4) and Justin Forsett (4) (and THREE FOURS!!!!! .... Whoa). Final Ben There 78, hammertime 48. (two EIGHTS! ::passes out:

 

In other action, The Hammer knocked Kentucky BarnBurners out of first place, 75-56.

 

Kudos to Lambdo's AirShow for grabbing the Viagra Award and to Ben There Raped That who snagged the Toyota Trophy.

 

The Heidi Report

Week 8 is the official mid-season week. Still 8 weeks to go and all teams are giving it their all. So, let's get busy and get to the second 1/2!

 

My Helmet's 2Tight 6-2-0 91, Nw220 4-4-0 79

Despite the absence of on RB, Helmet managed a win to keep them in the hunt for the oh so near yet so far 1st place. Nw220's team did manage to have all their players score something and didn't leave any goose eggs on his roster.

Top scorers: My Helmet's 2Tight: Calvin Johnson 33, Phillip Rivers 16

Nw220: Peyton Manning and Marques Colston both with 17

 

Brownies 2-6-0 35, fatherof3 5-3-0 44

This was the lowest scoring match up in the league this week but as I've said before a win is a win and fatherof3 was happy to have it even though his Defense gave him a -1.

Top scorers: Brownies: Ricky Williams and Jahvid Best both with 10

fatherof3: Rashard Mendenhall and Steve Smith both with 12

 

RunninUover 2-5-1 73, Ballantyne Bruisers 4-3-1 73

Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a Tie! Both teams came very close to their projected scores and fought tooth and nail but this contest ended in a tie anyway. For the tie breaker the two coaches are scheduled to meet this weekend and will wrestle in bikinis and J-ello. May the best man win.

Top scorers: RunninUover: Sebastian Janikowski 16, Carson Palmer 13

 

lets go browns 4-4-0 59, why cant we win 2-6-0 86

why cant we win won their second game of the season by a nice margin of 27 points. His coach was heard saying, This is my plan. I'm flying under the radar and I plan to win the whole enchilada and no one suspects a thing.

Top scorers: lets go browns: Chris Johnson 15, Antonio Gates 19

why cant we win: Jamaal Charles and Dan Carpenter both with 19

 

ImisstheKosarDays Tecmo Bo

Now we come to the Toyota Greatest Fantasy Victor which happens to be Tecmo Bo who as luck would have it has been on the losing end of this coveted award twice this season with his victory over ImisstheKosarDays with a +43 points. Doing his victory dance in the endzone, Tecmo Bo was yelling, So this is what the sweet smell of success smells like !

Top scorers: ImisstheKosarDays: Miles Austin 14, Tom Brady 10

Tecmo Bo: Michael Bush and Adam Vinatieri both with 13

 

Cleveland Steamers 6-2-0 93, stewartcj1 4-4-0 96

Cleveland Steamers took just their second loss by a mere 3 points this week. Is our #1 team feeling the agony of defeat? The heartbreak of psoriasis? The stink of loserdom? Highly unlikely but stewartcj1 is reveling in the thrill of the kill and is drinking his milk in the winners circle just the same.

Top scorers: Cleveland Steamers: Andre Johnson 20, Arian Foster 25

 

The Official Mid-Season Standings

1) Cleveland Steamers

2) My Helmet's 2Tight

3) Tecmo Bo

4) fatherof3

5) Ballantyne Bruisers

6) Nw220

7) lets go browns

8) stewartcj1

9) ImisstheKosarDays

10) RunninUover

11)why cant we win

12) Brownies

 

The Great Zomboni [/b][/size]

 

Three teams now rest atop League IV at 6-2 with three more teams nipping at their heels.

 

Jumping Jack Flash have risen to the top like a rocket, winning their 6th straight game this week, 95-76 over the TxChainsawMassaquoi. Calvion Johnson led the assault with 33 for the Flash.

 

Polk High tied the Flash for both the league lead and, more importantly, the Viagra High Scorer of the Week Award by downing the pesky but winless Werewolves of Linden 95-86, highlited by 19 points from their kicker, Dan Carpenter. The Wolves have actually outscored the first-place Flash this season, yet remain winless ... how's that for hard luck? (Or bad defense?)

 

Mr. Freeze's Snowmen joined the first place party by hitting the Flea Flickers with a blizzard, 82-45. Adrian Peterson once again led the Snowmen over the Flickers who laughingly started Dallas' defense.

 

The Big Bad Dawgs remained a half game back, winning a high-scoring affair 93-84 over Team InglewoodJack. The BBD played consistently, getting double-digit numbers from all six of their players and their kicker.

 

Bermeck's KY Hicks waxed the Huskymania in an easy contest 65-32. The Huskymania have apparently packed it for the holidays already, as they started a TE on IR (again!) and a WR on his bye. I don't blame Jumping Jack Flash for not reminding his dad he still has a team. Let him crumble beneath the dregs of the league.

 

Speaking of the Dregs of the League, The Mighty Real McCoys aced their first victory of the year by besting Calfox's Kosar Dawgs 81-75. The McCoys brilliant general manager pulled off the trade of the year by stealing Larry Fitzgerald for a an injured Joseph Addai right beofre kickoff. Fitzgerald got his new uniform on just in time to lead the McCoys to victory with 22 points. They may not lose again.

 

Zombo

[Mr. T]

Zombos arms are a little bit overreaching.

 

The Kentucky Barn Burner went down with a crash on Sunday!

 

You just cant hire good help these days.

[Cowsrus]

I voted "Other" for the Zombo picture because there are too many arms AND the guy is getting friendly with James Davis' junk.

 

You said please explain and that's all I got.