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Woof Woof Week 6


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Hey, everybody,


My apologies to my fellow Browns Board Fantasy Football authors (and anyone else who noticed) for my absence last week. I had to make a quick trip home to Ohio to help my sister with some family stuff and wasn't able to even think about the leagues. I'm still trying to clear my head and regain my balance so if y'all want to fire me, I understand.


Beanpot's League:


Bye weeks have the League's top players taking turns living the fantasy, drinking Long Island Iced Tea poolside, while their counterparts fill in fantasy roster spots. The absence of some high scoring players and the toll already taken by injuries, caused a precipitous drop in scoring. It took a mere 101 points to win the "top scorer" Viagra prize this week while the Toyota Biggest Blowout award (formerly known as the Most Massive Pasting award) went to a team scoring only 16 points more than their opponent. I would yawn, but I was on the losing end of that sad matchup: Ballantyne Buckeyes, 78;Greenville Mayhem, 62. Instead of yawning, I'm grumbling, shuffling, scowling and generally in a bad mood.


Low scorers of the week were Dot the I and Believeland who pounded each other with pillows, apparently. The coach of Believeland coaxed 59 points from a team lead by Matthew Stafford (17). Dot the I eked out a scanty 56.


The featured matchup of the game between Zombo's Wild Dawgs and the Average Joe's turned out to be Peyton Hillis (zero) vs LeGarrette Blount (nada). Zombo pushed Joe around a bit and pulled on his ear lobe. Ultimately, the Wild Dawg's New York Jets DEF scored 23 points and pulled off the victory 66-63.


TexChainsaw Massaquoi sent a brace of beautiful women bearing (baring?) gifts to Michael Turner (22) who made victory possible. Massaquoi lopped off the noggin of the Redneck Roosters, 84-77.


Werewolves of Linden took a bite out of the Usual Suspects who disastrously misplaced their silver bullet. The Werewolves gouged the Suspects 94-79.


Beanpot had the magic touch this week, turning Navdawg's Browns into losers (in the "team with the lowest score" sense) 101-90.

Oreo's Hangout


In an amiable pre-game encounter, Kentucky Barnburner greeted Oreo's Team with a friendly, "Meow" that went unnoticed. Oreo knew it would take total concentration and a gritty effort to scratch out the first win of the season. Scratch, she did, with claws and wits sharpened to a fine point, carving out victory, 96-89. Oreo celebrated the win with a generous helping of Temptations treats. Kentucky Barnburner learned what happens when you let your guard down around a desperate feline.


A fair amount of clanging, crashing, clattering, and clunks resounded as The Hammer and Hammertime bashed each other. The decisive whallop was delivered by Ahmad Bradshaw (27) who personally delivered the two trophies for the week to The Hammer, 102-62. Postgame ministrations left hammertime wearing several bags of frozen green peas to ease the pain.


DD's did their duty and delivered double digits in every category for a total of 94 points. Lambdo's Air Show 7 sputtered to the loss with 77. Nice symmetry all around but a disappointing outcome for Lambdo.


Gocong Or Go Home battled with dirty hands for the #1 spot in the league and dirty hands choked. Gocong went home with the undefeated record and sole possession of first place, 84-52.


Bronx Browns had a tough week with LeGarrette Blount (goose egg) and Ronny Brown (nil) polishing the bench with their keesters. Kamac 19 did a little better with Jahvid Best (12) and the NYJ DEF winning 71-57.


In an unusual twist, Beanpot is not in a battle for the lead in this league, but managed to show Choo Choo's how it should be done, winning 99-76.


Glad to be home.


The Heidi Report

My Helmet's 2Tight 3-3-0 73

Cleveland Steamers 6-0-0 80


Cleveland Steamers doesn't even really need to try to win. Projected points showed that he should have lost but alas, fate keeps him with a perfect win streak. The other teams in the league had a meeting in the locker room and have decided this must stop somehow someway. How remains to be seen but everyone has an Achilles heel and we have vowed to find Steamers. All Helmet could manage to say is This Is What It Sounds Like When Doves Cry.

Cleveland Steamers top players this week were Fred Jackson with 22 and Matthew Stafford with 17 points.

Helmet's top players were Aaron Rodgers with 23 and Jordy Nelson with 14.


RunninUover 3-2-1 86

fatherof3 4-2-0 68


RunninUover's big players this week were Ahmad Bradshaw with 27 and Michael Turner with 22 points.

fatherof3's top players were Santonio Holmes with 13 and LeSean McCoy with 16.


Brownies 4-2-0 72

Ballantyne Bruisers 4-2-0 79


With the record of these 2 teams now even, it was Bruisers that won the matchup.

Brownies top players this week are Wes Welker with 15 and Matt Forte with 15.

Big players for Bruisers this week were Jimmy Graham with 15 points and Calvin Johnson with 14.


stewartcj1 1-5-0 56

The Korky Butcheks 3-2-1 78


stewartcj1's top players for week 6 were Miles Austin with 11 points and Kevin Walter with 9.

Korky Butcheks top players were Marques Colston with 20 and Aaron Hernandez with 16 points.


why cant we win 2-4-0 69

Football is back 3-3-0 91


Unfortunately for why cant we win, he scored lower than was projected and Football is back scored exactly what was projected for his team. I don't think that happens very often but a win is a win and better over than under. Wait, that doesn't sound right? Anyway, why cant we win didn't win and ended up on the losing side this week. Better luck next week.

why cant we win's top players this week were David Akers with 13 pts and Greg Jennings with 11.

Football is back's big players were Rashad Mendenhall with 15 and Brandon Marshall with 13.


Believeland Browns 1-5-0 95

Peyton's Posse 1-5-0


I guess if you Believeland enough you can do anything and that includes a first win this season for Believeland Browns.

Believeland Browns' big players this week were Matt Ryan and Ray Rice both with 15 and Frank Gore with 17 points.

Peyton's Posse's top players were Stevie Johnson with 13 and Michael Vick with 11.


Awards this week go to:


Biggest Blowout Award goes to the contest between Believeland Browns and Peyton's Posse with a difference of + 55 points.


The Squeaker Award has to be shared between 2 teams, My Helmet's 2Tight and Cleveland Steamers and Brownies and Ballantyne Bruisers with both games having a difference of 7 points.


And the Viagra Award goes to RunninUover's Ahmad Bradshaw who scored with 27 points for his team.


Zombo's League IV:

Listen, I suck at fantasy football. It's not really up for debate. I always have, I always will.


I love Fantasy Baseball, Pro Pick'em, College Bowl pick'em etc... in fact I have won all of those leagues. But I don't think I've ever finished in first division in Fantasy Football. I am too emotionally involved. I draft Evan Moore, Ben Watson and MoMass. I refuse to draft a single Steeler or Raven. And this year I spent my #1 overall in both leagues on that proven commodity ... Peyton Hillis.


But this week, I hit a new low, as I played Polk High, WHO STARTED TWO RUNNING BACKS ON THEIR BYE WEEKS ... and I lost by ten points.


Thank you, Mr. Hillis, and all involved in the decision to turn you into a non-factor. Sigh.


And the rest of the action:


TeamInglewoodJack won their fifth straight game to stay tied atop the standings by kicking Calfox's Kosar Dawgs to the curb, 102-76. They remain tied with the TexasChainsawMassaquoi's who blew out the BigBadDawgs 105-54, earning Viagra High Scorer honors.


The FleaFlickers are next after easily besting Jake24, 88-54, followed by Polk High.


Mr. Freeze's Snowmen won their third straight contest to move ot the .500 mark by bouncing Huskmania 95-63. They are tied with Burning river and Bermie's KY Hicks at 3-3 after the River drowned the Hicks 98-84.


Current standings:


1. TXChainsawMassaquois 5-1-0 .833 634 418 W-1 5 19

2. Team InglewoodJack 5-1-0 .833 568 512 W-5 7 13

3. Flea Flickers 4-2-0 .667 588 418 W-1 8 6

4. Polk High 3-2-1 .583 512 502 W-2 6 6

5. Bermeck's Ky Hicks 3-3-0 .500 538 518 L-3 10 3

6. Burning River 3-3-0 .500 536 556 W-1 11 15

7. Mr. Freeze's Snowmen 3-3-0 .500 491 517 W-3 2 5

8. Calfox KosarDawgs 2-3-1 .417 454 509 L-1 9 7

9. Jake24 2-4-0 .333 488 505 L-2 3 1

10. Zombo's Real McCoys 2-4-0 .333 479 595 L-4 4 7

11. BigBadDawgs 2-4-0 .333 465 565 L-1 1 3

12. Huskymania 1-5-0 .167 483 621 L-1 12 4

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