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tampadawgs

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Footbalfan1962 Newbie

Footbalfan1962

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AP-Newswire February 29, 2019

 

The NFL announced today in the name of parity, the Cleveland Browns will not be awarded any draft picks. Roger Goodell announced that after five straight Super Bowl titles, the NFL feels that the rest of the league should be allowed to catch up to the stunning work the Browns front office has done. Many pundits feel the Steelers and Ravens organizations were behind this big push to level the playing field.

 

As of print..no response has come from the Cleveland camp. :blink:

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miktoxic Newbie

miktoxic

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Posted

 

Tom Brady

Hey Church Boy.

HI THOMAS!!!!

So, let’s review what I taught you today in practice.

Okie-dokey!

And Thomas, again, I am SO GRATEFUL to you for taking this time to mentor me.

Yeah well, coach says I gotta help “develop” you. So that’s what I’ll do.

Bless your heart!

You remember what I’ve taught you so far?

YES! That I need to keep my “Wrongs And Negatives Grade” as low as possible.

That’s right. So did you keep your Wrongs And Negatives Grade low today?

Sure did! I HAVE THE SMALLEST W.A.N.G. ON THE TEAM!!!!

YEAH YA DO!

NO ONE ON THE PATRIOTS HAS A SMALLER WANG THAN ME!

That’s great. But you should aim higher than just our team.

You’re right. BY THE GRACE OF GOD, I VOW TO HAVE THE TEENIEST, TINIEST LITTLE WANG IN THE WHOLE DARN NFL!!!!

THAT’S THE SPIRIT.

Thomas, you are so kind to help me like this.

The pleasure is all mine, trust me.

Now do you remember what else I taught you?

That I should be detail oriented! Pay attention to everything, and take lots of organized notes.

Exactly. And why should you do that?

Because I want to be the most anal player I can be?

SAY IT LOUDER!

I WANT TO BE ANAL! ANAL! ANAL!

That’s right. You’re gonna let the spirit of organization and efficiency flow right through you, right?

YES! YES! I WANT TO BE SO ANAL THAT I CAN FEEL IT DEEP, DEEP INSIDE OF ME!

PRETTY SOON, THEY’LL BE CALLING ME TIM TEBOW, THEKING OF ANAL!!!

If I can help it, they sure will.

Thank the Lord I have such a generous teacher as you.

Hey, anything for a teammate, bud. After all, there’s going to be LOTS of competition for roster spots during training camp.

Gosh! What do you think I need to do to secure my spot on the team?

Well, first of all, you might have to beat off the 3 or 4 other QBs vying for backup roles.

Then I will, Thomas, I will. I’LL BEAT OFF AS MANY QUARTERBACKS AS I HAVE TO!!!

But it won’t just be QBs competing for your roster spot. There’s gonna be DBs, linemen, kickers, WRs. Lots of players.

I’LL BEAT THEM ALL OFF!!! I’LL BEAT OFF THE WHOLE DARN TEAM IF I HAVE TO!!!!

I’m so proud of how well you’ve learned your lessons.

You know Thomas, I have to confess: there was a time that I thought that maybe you didn’t like me.

(gasp) What? You’re my boy. Of COURSE I like you. Why else would I share the “secret quarterback audible code sheet” with you?

Oh, and I do appreciate it so much, truly.

Though I admit that some of these codes seem awfully complicated.

Nonsense. They’re easy. Here, let’s try a pop quiz:

It’s 3rd and long, and the defense is showing a corner blitz. So what do you yell to the slot receiver?

Um, “Hey big boy, I sure would love you to toss my salad.”

EXACTLY. That tells him to run a slant straight across the middle.

I still don’t understand the reference though.

It’s old quarterback jargon. Don’t worry about it. Now suppose you’re at the line, and the middle linebacker’s covering your TE. What’s the audible?

I know this. It’s that goat one.

You have to say it so I know you’ve learned it properly.

I love to blow goats.

YOU HAVE TO SAY IT LOUD. SO THEY CAN HEAR YOU IN OPPOSING STADIUMS!

I LOVE TO BLOW GOATS! I LOVE TO BLOW GOATS!

See, that tells your line to shift to a zone blocking scheme.

Okay, I guess. But what I really don’t understand is that one you told me to yell when the clock’s winding down at the end of the half.

What’s not to understand? It’s a simple code.

Yes, but is yelling at the top of my lungs, “I’m a bust of a first round draft choice, my career at the University of Florida was a joke, my Heisman Trophy should be melted down and forged into cock rings, I have a limp dick of an arm, and in my spare time I like to gargle used douchewater” really the best way for me to call time out?

Hey, that code was passed down from Red Grange to Sammy Baugh to Johnny Unitas. What, you think you’re better than those Hall of Famers?

No, of course not. It’s just that it seems, you know, kind of specific.

SAY IT.

Sigh.

I’M A BUST OF A FIRST ROUND DRAFT CHOICE, MY CAREER AT THE UNIVERSITY OF FLORIDA WAS A JOKE, MY HEISMAN TROPHY SHOULD BE MELTED DOWN AND FORGED INTO COCK RINGS, I HAVE A LIMP DICK OF AN ARM AND IN MY SPARE TIME I LIKE TO GARGLE USED DOUCHEWATER!

Yep. That is the PERFECT way for you to call time out in our next game.

How can I ever thank you for this Thomas?

Believe me, just hearing you using these tips at our next game will be all the thanks I need. Especially if it’s nationally televised.

 

 

worse joke ever.

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flyingfooldoug Newbie

flyingfooldoug

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Posted

A Browns fan, Eagles fan and a Steelers fan are walking down a city street together when they come upon a body. It's a woman that is nude, so real quick the Browns fan takes his cap and puts it over one of her breasts and sez "lets get a cop". The Eagles fan puts his hat over her other breast and the Steelers fan puts his cap over her crotch. Off they go and quickly get a cop. On looking at the dead woman the cop picks up the Eagles cap and hands it to the guy with the Eagles shirt. He does the same with the Browns cap but when he picked up the Steelers cap, he got a very puzzled look on his face and set it back down real quick. The Steelers fan, seeing this asked if something was wrong. To this the cop replied....I'm not sure but every time I ever saw a Steelers cap, it always had an ASSHOLE under it!

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sadbrownsfan Newbie

sadbrownsfan

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Posted
Browns Acquire 1st Round Pick In Next Year’s Draft To Address Glaring Need At RB
Updated: September 18, 2013

CLEVELAND – In a blockbuster trade executed late Wednesday afternoon, the Cleveland Browns sent second-year RB Trent Richardson to the Indianapolis Colts in exchange for a 2014 first round draft pick, which the team can now use to address its glaring need at the running back position.

TRANT-RICHARDSON-TRADED-FROM-CLEVELAND-B

 

“This trade, if I do say so myself, is a stroke of pure brilliance on our part,” said Browns head coach Rob Chudzinski. “By sending Trent to the Colts, we acquire a first round choice in what should be a very talent rich draft next year. And now we can use that pick to select a quality young RB, which, it just so happens, is a position at which we’re desperately lacking at the moment.”

 

Added Chudzinski, “It’s uncanny how perfectly this transaction corresponds to our biggest need.”

 

The Colts, a 2012 playoff team who currently sport a 1-1 record, are expected to select in the 20-30 range of next year’s draft.

 

“We expect the pick we acquired from Indianapolis to be somewhere in the bottom third of the first round, which is perfect for our situation,” continued Chudzinski. “That’s right around where most decent runners are chosen these days. I mean sure, occasionally you might see a back go as high as the top ten, or even the top three, but those are the special, once-in-a-lifetime players. There’s no one like that in next year’s draft. So we feel good about our pick.”

 

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