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Browns Board Fantasy Football Follies


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The Fantasy Football Season kicked off last week with the bluster and apprehension typical of Fantasy Drafts. Zombo snagged the coveted first place in one of the drafts and took advantage of his good fortune by absently making picks via autodraft. Those folks who drafted last whined that they "always" get stuck with the dregs while the middle-drafters griped when they missed the chance to draft their favorite players. Now that the season has officially started, we get to see if all the studying and guesswork paid off. Are the braggards living up to the hype? Is it the kiss of death to draft last in a 14 team league? Can a cat really play fantasy football? We are about to find out!


There are four Browns Board leagues this year and you'll see lots of familiar faces. I have a team in League ONE and my cat, Oreo, has a team in League TWO, so we'll be handling the reporting duties for those. Heidi and Flugel will be official color commentators for Leagues THREE and FOUR. We try to deliver bouquets and brickbats to every deserving participant so watch for your moment in the spotlight. We show no mercy so if your ego is vulnerable you might want to ignore this space. Participants are invited to own up to their mistakes, explain themselves, or gloat. Observers are permitted to drink beers, critique their favorite players' performances, throw pies, or generally add to the fun of picking on those who screw up.


Beanpot gets the fantasy season going by promoting participation and is the managing commish and de facto advisor for the leagues. Oh yeah, and he convinced me to write this stuff. Thanks, Beans! What would we do without ya?


Beans' League ONE: Fourteen teams make it tough to fill out a roster with top players and thin talent showed up in relatively low scores. It's going to be tough for anyone in this league to snag any of the Viagra awards for high scoring.


Calfox KosarDawgs hoped to humble Rich's Ballantyne Buckeyes to start off the season, declaring with a smirk, "Rich, I'm beating you this first game. heh heh heh..." The Buckeyes had the last laugh 101-49. Calfox, who drafted in the 14 spot, is now in search of a stronger o-line to enliven his offense which struggled behind the leadership of QB Brady Quinn (7 points). Calfox filled six roster spots with Cleveland Browns, exhibiting either desperation at drafting last, or the eternal hope of a diehard Browns fan.


Tony Romo turned in a strong performance (25) but it wasn't enough for GREENville Mayhem. Insert Clever Name's Reggie Wayne (26) caught Mayhem off guard and lead ICN to victory 100-79.


Zombo better be grateful the autodraft function worked and made Adrian Peterson the first pick of the draft. Peterson's 32 points more than made up for Jake Delhomme's -9 and one point each for WR Dominik Hixon and Houston kicker Kris Brown. The Brown Dogs defeated Navdawg's Browns 85-54.


Beanpot is no doubt sporting a red spot in the middle of his forehed as a result of smacking himself there repeatedly while murmuring, "What was I thinking? WHAT was I thinking? What WAS I thinking?...." Carson Palmer at QB? Zero points? What WERE you thinking? Aloysius (alwAysLOsing) is looking for his first Yahoo fantasy sports trophy and took the first step by defeating Beanpot 85-78.


In other action, DTBH knocked off the Usual Suspects, 96-60 and Flug's Cardiac Kids drifted to victory on a pleasant fall Brees (41 points) defeating T's Jelly Donuts 94-88.


For some strange reason, I find myself suddenly craving a Krispy Kreme lemon filled slice of heaven.


Full o' Beans' League TWO: I had my eyes checked this week. I know it's been a couple of years since my last exam. The doctor assured me that my vision is fine. I'm not sure I believe him. I'm sure I don't believe my eyes. Beanpot had the low score this week in League TWO and rests solidly on the bottom of the standings. Y'all better take a look at this if you can, because it's something you won't see very often. Ask yourself this... what's worse than having Carson Palmer as your QB this week? Having Carson Palmer as QB on BOTH your fantasy teams this week. No wonder that red spot in the middle of Beans' forehead is so big! Beanpot 43, Justin Hermouf 87. Hermouf responded to the win with a terse, "OWNED!" We'll see.


dirty hands is being reported to the ASPCA and PETA for mistreatment of a feline. In the first ever Browns Board Fantasy Football Contest between human and feline, dirty hands abused the sweetest kitty ever, Oreo. Final Score: hands 76, Oreo's team 58. Oreo's response was a vicious "MEOW" as she sharpened her claws for the coming week.


Lambdo's Air Show launched into the season by pounding the Hammer 91-76. In the battle of the profile pics, Lambdo was also declared the winner: scantily clad babe vs. duster and mullet. The Hammer groaned and twirled his moustache.


Flying Turkeys couldn't get off the ground and dropped the season opener to Bermeck's KY Hicks 83-97. The Turkeys get my vote for best logo: a football toting turkey in an orange helmet, striking the Heisman pose while crossing the 50 yard line. Bravo!


Also playing this week: Hammertime scored a win over the Double D's, 71-67 while Bo and the Boz defeated Choo Choo's 99-69.


From Commish Flugel: Here's the Fantasy Football World According to League #3 - Week 1:


Kibbles & Vicks 100 Charlie's Angels 66

(Darovich's) Kibbles & Vicks: Drew Brees 41 pts, Maurice Jones-Drew 18 pts, Steelers D 11 pts

(Ozzie's) Charlie's Angels: Tom Brady 17 pts, Tony Gonzalez 15 pts, Chad Ochocinco 10 pts


The Kibbles & Vicks franchise is resting very comfortably on the shoulders of Drew Brees. The 41 point contribution from Brees was the highest of the week. It was also dangerously close to outscoring some teams this week. These Charlie's Angels are led by Brady not to be confused with Bosely. Brady contributed 17 points and shook off alot of rest to remind us who he is when the game reaches it's final few minutes.


Koa Krew 109 Waiting for Noodles 60

(Majid's) Koa Krew: Randy Moss 21 pts, Thomas Jones 19 pts, Donovan McNabb 18 pts

(Lister's) Waiting for Noodles: DeAngelo Williams 14 pts, Vincent Jackson 14 pts, Aaron Rodgers 11 pts


Koa Krew's team scored so fast and frequently the scoreboard blew a fuse. While watching the show Randy Moss was putting on Monday Night - ESPN's Andrea Kramer asked Waiting for Noodles how he was going to proceed with the game plans. She was told "No Mas!" When she asked for clarification she was then told: "No habla." Then it only only stands to reason we conclude this one with "futbol you bet!"


Team DangeRuss 65 Dot The i 53

(Riff's) DangeRuss: Tony Romo 25 pts, TJ Houshmandzadeh 9 pts, Phil Dawson 8 pts

(Mark's) Dot The i: Titans D 14 pts, Brian Westbrook 13 pts, Stephen Gostkowski 7 pts


The owners of these 2 teams are diehard Buckeyes fans that were suffering emotional hangovers from the night before when it was time to submit their starting lineups. That being said, they both overcame adversity and successfully submitted their starting lineups anyways. Tony Romance was overheard saying he's postponing all Spring Break getway weekends until the Spring. What a remarkable turn of events for a guy that had people questioning what he was thinking. When we asked team owner DangeRuss about the recent improvements in his QB's decision making skills he replied: "Don't Read People Magazine."


Believeland 109 Runn Uu OVer 49

(Thaak's) Believeland: Adrian Peterson 32 pts, Reggie Wayne 26 pts, Giants D 14 pts

(John D's) Runn Uu OVer: Kevin Smith 17 pts, Jason Witten 9 pts, Rob Bironas 5 pts


Coach Thaak challenged Adrian Peterson to understand how the opponent was trying to spell their name and what the consequences could mean if they got it right. In the process, he added an innovative wrinkle to his own game plans by placing the ball in the hands of Peterson. At the end of the day, everyone pretty much figured how frequently the scoreboard changes with AP decides to "Runn Uu OVer." Jay Cutler guaranteed reporters he will be studying the color of his team jersey all week in practice so he has assured naysayers it's all correctable.


Project Showtime 75 Rice's Ryders 68

(Rudy's) Project Showtime: Joe Flacco 23 pts, Packers D 14 pts, Ray Rice 9 pts

(Jason's) Rice's Ryders: Greg Jennings 23 pts, Julius Jones 16 pts, Marques Colston 11 pts


Coach Rice did not like the attitude of his starting defense this week so he benched the entire unit from participating in this matchup. My way or the highway can very well lead up to no way on gameday. Let's hope for some attitude adjustment from the Ryders real soon. Project Showtime had so much fun with their opener - they've already contacted the Commissioner and asked if we could consider adding 4 more quarters to every game. The Commisioner replied: "Don't call us - we'll call you."


Calfox's KosarDawgs 98 Flugelmaniacs 87

Calfox's KosarDawgs: Eagles D 29 pts, Frank Gore 18 pts, Roy Williams 14 pts

Flugelmaniacs: Fred Jackson 19 pts, Jets D 13 pts, Nick Folk 12 pts


The Flugelmaniacs were unveiling their new mascot Spot on the sidelines until the growling KosarDawgs from Calfox Country showed up with plenty of spot remover and a game plan that included a capital W. At halftime Flugel said the only injuries he's aware of are a few bruised egos. He added he has plenty of duck tape and WD 40 for his vets with wear and tear issues. After the game, Calfox was showered with Gatorade by his team and Budweiser from the fans. As this was happening, he made 1 thing clear to all: "it looks the drinks are on me today." All post game interviews were declined.


It looks like this week's nominees for the Viagra award are, so far, Koa Krew and Believeland at 109 points.


Heidi's League FOUR: Heidi's got some things going on IRL so she'll get her reports in as she is able. Of course this is true of all of your correspondents who, happily, do have real lives. In all cases, remember..... you get what you pay for.


Go Brownies!


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Not true. I checked Eli Manning, my other brilliant qb choice, and he


wouldn't have gotten me any more points than Quinn did - SEVEN.


This ff stuff is so new to me, I'm lucky to know how to draft. (that's for Tom, @@)


You have to LOVE the ff writeups. They are GREAT fun.


(I congratulated Rich in an email for kicking our butts, but he just said he was lucky and hoped his


luck would last the season... good ole Rich...)


And, I think Flugels should trade me a rb. "sniff" he tried to beat me with his last rb Monday night, and came close. geez.


And, whoever it is? that gets me drafting at the end of both leagues again, well, I hope they run out of coffee this morning.


dammit. LOL

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Zombo better be grateful the autodraft function worked and made Adrian Peterson the first pick of the draft. Peterson's 32 points more than made up for Jake Delhomme's -9 and one point each for WR Dominik Hixon and Houston kicker Kris Brown. The Brown Dogs defeated Navdawg's Browns 85-54.


I think you buried the lead here, scribe. Even with Delhomeboy and Hixon starting due to injuries to two of his starters, Zombo won by 31 and he only needed one of those 32 from Peterson as the rest of his roster kicked ass. How bout 21 from Greg Jennings (third round, everyone passed him up at least twice). 14 from my Giants D (7th Round)? 16 from Julius Jones (9th round)?


Yes, some of those with a life use the auto-select because we don't hang out in Beanpot's basement at 4pm on a beautiful Southwest Florida Saturday afternoon, but we are smart enough to know how to rank the players to get maximum value when the live folks start making emotional decisons on questionable players (yeah, maybe Reggie Bush will breakthrough one of these years, Mayhem). And as for Adrian Peterson ... I deserve him. I had the balls to say screw Brady Quinn, screw Joe Thomas, Adrian Peterson is a once-in-a-decade type of game-changing talent and if we pass on him will rue the day. Don't know about you, but there was a lot of rue in my house Sunday night.



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Yes, some of those with a life use the auto-select because we don't hang out in Beanpot's basement at 4pm on a beautiful Southwest Florida Saturday afternoon


Yes, and even more of those with a life aren't legally bound to service the community on a beautiful Southwest Florida Saturday afternoon.


Glad the weather was nice. Imagine it helped you decipher gum wrappers from sprinkler heads.




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Well I didn't do so well out of 4 FF teams, 0 - 4. It was a bad weekend with the buckeyes and browns losing.


Dammn that sucked! But on a good note my fantasy baseball team made it through the first round of the playoffs in head to head and im missing a roster spot due to injuries (playoff rosters are locked) currently tied up for this week.


But this week I will predict a turnaround not just in FF but for the Bucks & Browns!!!!!

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