Coronavirus humor

[DieHardBrownsFan]

None of your posts are coming up, just numbers and letters.

[calfoxwc]

from the previous page - (bad cover up job)

 

[calfoxwc]

 

[TexasAg1969]

12 hours ago, DieHardBrownsFan said:

None of your posts are coming up, just numbers and letters.

One said:  "The fact that Hooter's hasn't opened a home delivery service called Knockers seems like a kissed opportunity to me." 

The other said: "I was sitting at the bar in the kitchen last night and tried to pick up my wife. She gave me a fake phone number................WTF!

[calfoxwc]

[Tour2ma]

[Tour2ma]

[Tour2ma]

[TexasAg1969]

From here and there: 😁

Of all the things I learned in grade school, how to avoid cooties was the last one I expected to use! 

People keep asking “is coronavirus really that serious?”  Listen up! Casinos and churches are closed. When  heaven and hell agree on the same thing, it’s probably pretty serious! 

And just like that…having a mask, rubber gloves, duct tape, plastic sheeting and rope in your trunk is OK. 

I can’t believe I can walk into a store to buy weed, but I have to meet my hairdresser in a dark alley with unmarked bills to get a haircut! 

Not to brag, but I haven’t been late for anything for the past 21 days!

 

 

And just for Axe:  

I don’t like the fact that my chances of survival seem to be linked to the common sense of others.

 

 

[Axe]

[DieHardBrownsFan]

Boy, he sure memed you Tex.

[DieHardBrownsFan]

[hoorta]

MAGAs won't like it for sure... 

[Vambo]

[calfoxwc]

6 hours ago, Axe said:

oh, my, where do woodpeckers get a gov control chip? How happy will he? be to get one?

up his tail feathers?

[Vambo]

[Vambo]

[hoorta]

On 5/13/2020 at 8:06 PM, Vambo said:

Actually- this appeared  in a review of it's brother Thunderbird.  But It also applies to MD 20\20. Ag- try not to spew on your computer screen if you haven't seen this yet. It's from the website Bumwine.com. I still can't stop laughing reading it, hope you guys will too.... 

 "As pictured to the left, look for the pigeon feces and you'll find this old bird.  As soon as you taste this swill, it will be obvious that its makers cut every corner possible in its production to make it cheap.  Self-proclaimed as "The American Classic,"  Thunderbird is Vinted and bottled by E&J Gallo Winery, in in Modesto, CA.  Disguised like Night Train, the label says that it is made by "Thunderbird, Ltd."  If your taste buds are shot, and you need to get trashed with a quickness, then "T-bird" is the drink for you.  Or, if you like to smell your hand after pumping gas, look no further than Thunderbird.  As you drink on, the bird soars higher while you sink lower.  The undisputed leader of the five in foulness of flavor, we highly discourage drinking this ghastly mixture of unknown chemicals unless you really are a bum.  A convenience store clerk in Show Low, AZ once told me that only the oldest of stumbling Indian drunks from the reservation buy Thunderbird.  Available in 750 mL and a devastating 50 oz jug.
 
The history of Thunderbird is as interesting as the drunken effects the one experiences from the wine.  When Prohibition ended, Ernest Gallo and his brothers Julio and Joe wanted to corner the young wine market.  Earnest wanted the company to become "the Campbell Soup company of the wine industry" so he started selling Thunderbird in the ghettos around the country.  Their radio adds featured a song that sang, "What's the word? / Thunderbird / How's it sold? / Good and cold / What's the jive? / Bird's alive / What's the price? / Thirty twice."  It is said that Ernest once drove through a tough, inner city neighborhood and pulled over when he saw a bum.  When Gallo rolled down his window and called out, "What's the word?" the immediate answer from the bum was, "Thunderbird."
 
 WARNING:  This light yellow liquid turns your lips and mouth black!  A mysterious chemical reaction similar to disappearing-reappearing ink makes you look like you've been chewing on hearty clumps of charcoal."

And Wait!!! now the review of MD 20\20....  

 "As majestic as the cascading waters of a drain pipe, MD 20/20 is bottled by the 20/20 wine company in Westfield, New York.  This is a good place to start for the street wine rookie, but beware; this dog has a bite to back up its bark.  MD Stands for Mogen David, and is affectionately called "Mad Dog 20/20".  You'll find this beverage as often in a bum's nest as in the rock quarry where the high school kids sneak off to drink.  This beverage is likely the most consumed by non-bums, but that doesn't stop any bums from drinking it!  Our research indicates that MD 20/20 is the best of the bum wines at making you feel warm inside.  Some test subjects report a slight numbing agent in MD 20/20, similar to the banana paste that the dentist puts in your mouth before injecting it with Novocain.  Anyone that can afford a dentist should steer clear of this disaster.  Available in various nauseating tropical flavors that coat your whole system like bathtub scum, but only the full "Red Grape Wine" flavor packs the 18% wallop.
 
Liquor stores are starting to be infiltrated by a 13% variety of MD 20/20 Red Grape.  There is also a new "Blue Raspberry" flavor with "BLING BLING".  Even the lowest functioning of bums will know not to get swindled out of 5% alcohol."

[DieHardBrownsFan]

7 hours ago, hoorta said:

Actually- this appeared  in a review of it's brother Thunderbird.  But It also applies to MD 20\20. Ag- try not to spew on your computer screen if you haven't seen this yet. It's from the website Bumwine.com. I still can't stop laughing reading it, hope you guys will too.... 

 "As pictured to the left, look for the pigeon feces and you'll find this old bird.  As soon as you taste this swill, it will be obvious that its makers cut every corner possible in its production to make it cheap.  Self-proclaimed as "The American Classic,"  Thunderbird is Vinted and bottled by E&J Gallo Winery, in in Modesto, CA.  Disguised like Night Train, the label says that it is made by "Thunderbird, Ltd."  If your taste buds are shot, and you need to get trashed with a quickness, then "T-bird" is the drink for you.  Or, if you like to smell your hand after pumping gas, look no further than Thunderbird.  As you drink on, the bird soars higher while you sink lower.  The undisputed leader of the five in foulness of flavor, we highly discourage drinking this ghastly mixture of unknown chemicals unless you really are a bum.  A convenience store clerk in Show Low, AZ once told me that only the oldest of stumbling Indian drunks from the reservation buy Thunderbird.  Available in 750 mL and a devastating 50 oz jug.
 
The history of Thunderbird is as interesting as the drunken effects the one experiences from the wine.  When Prohibition ended, Ernest Gallo and his brothers Julio and Joe wanted to corner the young wine market.  Earnest wanted the company to become "the Campbell Soup company of the wine industry" so he started selling Thunderbird in the ghettos around the country.  Their radio adds featured a song that sang, "What's the word? / Thunderbird / How's it sold? / Good and cold / What's the jive? / Bird's alive / What's the price? / Thirty twice."  It is said that Ernest once drove through a tough, inner city neighborhood and pulled over when he saw a bum.  When Gallo rolled down his window and called out, "What's the word?" the immediate answer from the bum was, "Thunderbird."
 
 WARNING:  This light yellow liquid turns your lips and mouth black!  A mysterious chemical reaction similar to disappearing-reappearing ink makes you look like you've been chewing on hearty clumps of charcoal."

And Wait!!! now the review of MD 20\20....  

 "As majestic as the cascading waters of a drain pipe, MD 20/20 is bottled by the 20/20 wine company in Westfield, New York.  This is a good place to start for the street wine rookie, but beware; this dog has a bite to back up its bark.  MD Stands for Mogen David, and is affectionately called "Mad Dog 20/20".  You'll find this beverage as often in a bum's nest as in the rock quarry where the high school kids sneak off to drink.  This beverage is likely the most consumed by non-bums, but that doesn't stop any bums from drinking it!  Our research indicates that MD 20/20 is the best of the bum wines at making you feel warm inside.  Some test subjects report a slight numbing agent in MD 20/20, similar to the banana paste that the dentist puts in your mouth before injecting it with Novocain.  Anyone that can afford a dentist should steer clear of this disaster.  Available in various nauseating tropical flavors that coat your whole system like bathtub scum, but only the full "Red Grape Wine" flavor packs the 18% wallop.
 
Liquor stores are starting to be infiltrated by a 13% variety of MD 20/20 Red Grape.  There is also a new "Blue Raspberry" flavor with "BLING BLING".  Even the lowest functioning of bums will know not to get swindled out of 5% alcohol."

Last time I drank Mad Dog was in Camp Lejeune, NC.  Passed out in bed and someone put a bucket under my face, woke up 8 or so hours later in the same exact position I had passed out in (so I was told).  Dying of thirst and hungover like no other hangover before or since (except maybe for 151).

[Axe]

This works for  a lot of the libs here too ;)

[Vambo]

[calfoxwc]

 

[TexasAg1969]

20 hours ago, hoorta said:

Liquor stores are starting to be infiltrated by a 13% variety of MD 20/20 Red Grape.  There is also a new "Blue Raspberry" flavor with "BLING BLING".  Even the lowest functioning of bums will know not to get swindled out of 5% alcohol."

True story Larry. My grandfather had told me about a time when he and cohorts were buried in a wine cellar from  a German artillery barrage during WW I and they found some really fine bottles of Bordeaux, his favorite of which he still remembered. So for his birthday when he was in his mid-80's I found a bottle (different year-but a fine one nonetheless) and handed it over because I knew he liked to sip on red wine most afternoons (made him live to 95). He opened it, took a sip from the glass and said it was just not like he remembered and needed to be a little sweeter. So out came a bottle of MD 20/20 that he added to it while I about choked up just watching. "Ah that's better!" he said. Well it was his birthday so I didn't quibble, just watched in inner horror.🍷😱

[Axe]

[Vambo]

[TexasAg1969]

For bored out of your skull for sports people. Even our soccer fans will love the greatest goalkeeper! 🙀😹

 

 

[TexasAg1969]

The British View. 💂‍♂️

[Vambo]

[DieHardBrownsFan]

[DieHardBrownsFan]