Woof Woof: Fantasy Football Follies Week 12

[kshutchins]

Busy, busy, busy, with holiday preparations, that's how I find myself. It's a pleasant diversion from sports-related woes. A co-worker of mine who is oblivious to sports, overheard part of a conversation about the Browns and asked, "Does Cleveland HAVE a team?" My response was to giggle and say, "Well, there are players who show up on game day...." I realized I had passed through embarrassment into giddy hysteria, which is surprisingly less painful. Fantasy Football is winding down so those of us who are watching our teams flounder see the light at the end of the tunnel which is the glare of the computer monitor as we try to salvage some degree of respectability.

 

Beanpot's League One:

This is the time of the season when the playoff picture should start to become clear in fantasy football leagues. Not so in League One where no one has clinched a spot yet.

 

Jumpin' Jack Flash, in first place, pulled off an unimpressive 78-65 win over Calfox KosarDawgs. A brutal night for Tom Brady (0) contributed to the dimming of the Flash. Sources reported that Brady developed happy feet as the Saints made the Pats look rather ordinary by NFL standards. Watch out! The Saints Are Coming! (

)

 

Peyton's Zombies failed to work their magic and allowed the second place Beanpot to return to his winning ways in a 114-76 rout. With the exception of the Cinci Palmer/Ochocinco duo, all of Beans' squad were in double digits. The NYJets' Defense proved themselves worthy with 24 points.

 

Third in the standings, Huskymania played inspired ball, knocking the Usual Suspects back in the pack, 120-94. The Vikes' Brett Favre (25) and Percy Harvin (21) led Huskymania to victory. Antonio Gates (26) did his part for the Suspects while Steve Smith (1) struggled.

 

Flug's Cardiac Kids are clinging to fourth place by virtue of having dropped the Ballantyne Buckeyes, 95-80. According to Yahoo, "QB Drew Brees ... became only the second player in NFL history to throw for 350-plus yards, five or more TDs, no interceptions and complete at least 75 percent of his passes in a single game..." This remarkable performance added up to a decisive 37 points.

 

T's Jelly Donuts are still cooking after defeating Insert Clever Name, 89-48. The 41 point margin of victory was the largest in League One for the week.

 

AlwAysLOsing appears to be making a late bid for a playoff spot as they managed victory number three in consecutive weeks. DTBH was their latest victim at 90-72, setting the stage for one of two important contests in week 13. DTBH will face T's Jelly Donuts while Beanpot vies against Huskymania. Playoff spots may be at stake.

 

NavDawg's Browns became more firmly entrenched in last place by losing to the limping Greenville Mayhem, 68-76. Mayhem managed to hobble out of the bottom by stepping over Peyton's Zombies. The Zombies, who face off against the League leading Jumpin' Jack FLash this week, are threatening a hot tub coup and are said to have designs on the liquor stores in the cellar. NavDawg was last seen fortifying the basement defenses.

 

Full 'o Beans League Two:

The playoff picture is much less murky here, two teams having clinched playoff berths.

 

Dirty Hands, at 10-2-0, grabbed first place from the clutches of Bo and the Boz by neatly disposing of Oreo's Team, 99-42. The feline phenom started the season with a growl but mewed like a kitten this week as a result of pitiful performances from Jay Cutler (5), Hines Ward (6), Jeremy Shockey (2), and CAR Steve Smith (1). Oreo, who faces the Bo and the Boz this week, waxed philosophical, "We're just trying to have fun out there. We do our best and are hopeful every week but when we're not napping, it's all about having fun."

 

The 9-2-1 Bo and the Boz were victimized by the Choo Choo's who are bearing the fruits of their "I think I can" approach to fantasy football. The Little Engine that Could railroaded Bo 102-70. Philip Rivers, Laurence Maroney, and San Diego's D, all at 18 points were responsible for the surprising victory. Bo, who expected 102 points for himself, was stung by NE's Tom Brady (0) andWes Welker (8). Bo and the Boz clinched a playoff spot despite the loss.

 

Third in the standings, hammertime, downed the Double D's who lived up to their name, losing 101-66. The Double D's accomplished this double digit score thanks to Donovan McNabb (11) and NYG Steve Smith (11). Hammertime is hoping a win over fourth place Lambdo's Air Show in this week's contest will clinch.

 

Lambdo's Air Show, at 7-5-0, managed to separate themselves from the pack by pounding The Hammer, 122-60. This blowout provided the Toyota winning margin of victory for League Two at 62 points. Hammer and the recently renamed Fried Turkeys, have set up housekeeping in basement digs.

 

The Turkeys were indeed Fried by Bermeck's KY Hicks, 105-63. Drew Brees (37) and Donald Driver (22) were the chefs who finished off the birds.

 

Justin Hermouf had a chance to move up in the standings but was foiled by Beanpot,99-118. Hermouf attempted to put the heebie jeebies (

) on Beanpot by declaring, "Steven Jackson is going to get hurt." Beanpot responded, "Yep, Good call!" as Jackson, who had suffered back spasms during the week, registered 17 points to help seal the victory. Jackson took Wednesday practice off to heal after the outstanding Sunday performance.

 

Flugel’s League 3 – Week 12 Pigskin Literature

 

Project Showtime 107 Rice’s Ryders 104

The good news is the Ryders outscored 10 teams in League 3. The bad news is they faced the Showtime trio that got 21 points from Chris Johnson, 19 from Dallas Clark and 18 from Philip Rivers. Therefore, 26 points from Antonio Gates, and 18 apiece from the Chargers Defense and Marques Colston wasn’t enough to prevent them from dropping to 5-5-2. They still remain in contention for 1 of the final 2 playoff spots. Meanwhile, Project Showtime remained in first place with a 10-2 record and clinched a playoff berth.

 

Believeland 85 Runn Uu OVer 57

The Packers Defense led the charge for Believeland with 22 points while Adrian Peterson added some juice with 12 to improve Believeland to 9-1-2. This also clinched a playoff spot for Believeland. Runn Uu Over fell to 5-7. They were led by Jason Witten’s 12 point performance but nobody else could reach double digits and hang with his pace.

 

Flugelmaniacs 94 Calfox KosarDawgs 90

The week began with the Calfox KosarDawgs feeling thankful they were playing the team directed by the CEO of “Oh No!” during the holiday weekend. Calfox set his starting lineup and GPS routes accordingly. They thought were all set for a little: “Over the river and thru the woods…” It only made sense their Driver named Donald led the way with 22 points. Unfortunately, they were greeted by Brett Favre’s 25 points, Just-tone Forsett’s 20 and 13 more from a hungry Panther’s Defense. Moral of the story, you don’t take a bunch of non-hunting dawgs that just want their bellies rubbed thru the woods during hunting season regardless of what your GPS tells you. If you do such a thing you become 4-8 so your opponent can improve to 4-7-1.

 

Dot the I 82 Team DangeRuss 81

Dot the I improved to 6-5-1 behind the 17 point effort of TO and 15 points from Pierre Garcon. The Colts Defense added another 14 points to help them outscore that DangeRuss wishbone. DangeRuss countered well all day behind Tony Romo’s 18 points, Steven Jackson’s 17 and Roddy White’s 14. However, they fell to 4-8 in the closest game of the holiday weekend.

 

Victory Formation 90 Waiting for Noodles 83

Pierre Thomas, Thomas Jones, David Akers and the Vikings Defense all scored 14 points apiece while everyone but 2 players generated double digits as Victory Formation improved to 8-3-1. Waiting for Noodles got 22 points from Aaron Rodgers and another 16 from Ohio State’s Santonio Holmes as they fell to 6-5-1. Both teams competed like they were fighting for playoff berths. The good news for both is they are in great position to clinch a playoff spot if they keep on keeping on.

 

Kibbles & Vicks 101 Charlie’s Angels 79

Kibbles and Vicks decided “We’re no Angels” as they breezed past Charlie’s Angels. The irony here is they got 37 points from a Saint named Brees. Go figure. The Angels got 22 points from Miles Austin and 18 points from Laurence Maroney as they fell to 4-8-0. Kibbles and Vicks sent a message to the rest of the league: “if you show-up looking past us – you’re not leaving until you’re heaving.” They are looking forward to spoiling many playoff hopes down the stretch. Stay tuned…

 

The Fabulous 5 Power Rankings

1. Project Showtime 10-2-0 1225 pts

2. Believeland 9-1-2 1113 pts

3. Victory Formation 8-3-1 11399 pts

4. Waiting for Noodles 6-5-1 1025 pts

5. Dot the I 6-5-1 806 pts

 

The Heidi Report

 

My Helmet's 2Tight 84

BOHICA 76

 

Ballantyne Behemoths 67

Doctors of Gridiron 111

 

WPBDawgFan 56

Brown'sFanInDallas 80

 

Brownies 82

Timugen's Tool 118

 

WV Hoopies 98

LCDawgfan13 92

 

FBrulz 68

One Man Wolf Pac 95

 

My Helmet's 2 Tight 7-5-0: Drew Brees 37, Kellen Winslow 12

BOHICA 7-5-0: Dallas Clark 19, Peyton Manning 18

Helmet's QB Drew Brees was chosen as the NFC Offensive Player of the Week for his 371-yard, five-touchdown performance and was the reason for their win this week.BOHICA's TE Dallas Clark and QB Peyton Manning hooked up for their 36th career touchdown pass. That moves the duo into a third-place tie for the most among active quarterback/receiver touchdown tandems in the league.

 

Ballantyne Behemoths 8-4-0: Fred Jackson 23, Maurice Jones-Drew 12

Doctors of Gridiron 9-3-0: Donald Driver 22, Steven Jackson 17

Behemoths got a taste of their own medicine this week in this weeks Toyota Biggest Fantasy Blowout with a + 44 points and the loss to Doctors of Gridiron.

Doctors' WR Donald Driver is closing in on a sixth straight season with 1,000 receiving yards, which would extend his team record. Driver is tied for seventh in the league with 845 yards.

 

WPBDawgFan 5-7-0: Brandon Marshall 11, Brady Quinn 10

Brown'sFanInDallas 4-8-0: Brett Farve 25, Chris Johnson 21

The lowest scoring game in the league this week brought a win for Brown'sFanInDallas with the help or QB Brett Farve. Favre will play in his 283rd consecutive regular-season game, giving him the NFL record for the most consecutive games played in league history by a position player. He also threw for a season-high 392 yards with three touchdowns and no interceptions.

 

Brownies 4-8-0: Miles Austin 22, Roddy White & Ryan Longwell both w/14

Timugen's Tool 5-7-0: Aaron Rodgers 22, Marques Colston 18

Timugen's Tool won this match up. His QB Aaron Rodgers ranks third in the league with a passer rating of 104.9. Thanks mostly to a mid-season switch to a short passing attack as well as improved protection.

 

WV Hoopies 3-9-0: Antonio Gates 26, Pierre Thomas 14

LCDawgfan 13 7-5-0: Tony Romo 18, Derrick Mason 17

This was a close game but Hoopies pulled off the win. TE Antonio Gates continues to play as well as he has at any time in his career. He had two scoring catches among his team-high seven receptions for 118 yards. On LCDawgfan 13's side, QB Tony Romo made his 50th career start against the Raiders. In his 50 starts, he has completed 1,031-of-1,642 passes for 13,233 yards, 95 touchdowns and 50 interceptions. Not To shabby.

 

FBrulz 9-3-0: Thomas Jones 14, Ricky Williams 11

One Man Wolf Pac 4-8-0: Percy Harvin 21, Philip Rivers 18

FBrulz lost this match up and his first place spot in the league. I don't think we've heard the last of him for sure. One Man Wolf Pac's QB Philip Rivers has completed 69.9 percent of his passes over that run, throwing 12 touchdowns and only three interceptions.

 

Standings:

1. Doctors of Gridiron 9-3-0 .750 1103 W-5

2. FBrulz 9-3-0 .750 1099 L-1

3. Ballantyne Behemoths 8-4-0 .667 1057 L-2

4. My Helmet's 2Tight 7-5-0 .583 993 W-1

5. BOHICA 7-5-0 .583 953 L-1

6. LCDawgfan13 7-5-0 .583 940 L-1

7. Timugen's Tool 5-7-0 .417 1057 W-1

8. WPBDawgFan 5-7-0 .417 938 L-1

9. Brownies 4-8-0 .333 919 L-4

10. One Man Wolf Pac 4-8-0 .333 837 W-2

11. Brown'sFanInDallas 4-8-0 .333 798 W-1

12. WV Hoopies 3-9-0 .250 814 W-1

 

Well, 12 weeks down and 4 to go. This is crunch time. I hope league 4 will continue to play hard and remember to vote each week for you favorite teams to win.

 

Have a great week, sports fans!

Go Browns!

[calfoxwc]

Flugelmaniacs 94 Calfox KosarDawgs 90

The week began with the Calfox KosarDawgs feeling thankful they were playing the team directed by the CEO of “Oh No!” during the holiday weekend. Calfox set his starting lineup and GPS routes accordingly. They thought were all set for a little: “Over the river and thru the woods…” It only made sense their Driver named Donald led the way with 22 points. Unfortunately, they were greeted by Brett Favre’s 25 points, Just-tone Forsett’s 20 and 13 more from a hungry Panther’s Defense. Moral of the story, you don’t take a bunch of non-hunting dawgs that just want their bellies rubbed thru the woods during hunting season regardless of what your GPS tells you. If you do such a thing you become 4-8 so your opponent can improve to 4-7-1. Flugels

************************************************************************

 

I was hoping for Shockey to get me at five points on that Mon. night football game. He got me two.

 

Shockey is a girly man who paints his toenails, and his idea of a locker room workout is picking his teeth after dinner

 

with balsa wood toothpicks.

 

In fact, I'm gonna go drop him like a hot rock today, with nobody else to pick up.

 

I should fire myself, but with our records this year, I can't get another coach to replace me. GGG

[Flugel]

Flugelmaniacs 94 Calfox KosarDawgs 90

The week began with the Calfox KosarDawgs feeling thankful they were playing the team directed by the CEO of “Oh No!” during the holiday weekend. Calfox set his starting lineup and GPS routes accordingly. They thought were all set for a little: “Over the river and thru the woods…” It only made sense their Driver named Donald led the way with 22 points. Unfortunately, they were greeted by Brett Favre’s 25 points, Just-tone Forsett’s 20 and 13 more from a hungry Panther’s Defense. Moral of the story, you don’t take a bunch of non-hunting dawgs that just want their bellies rubbed thru the woods during hunting season regardless of what your GPS tells you. If you do such a thing you become 4-8 so your opponent can improve to 4-7-1. Flugels

************************************************************************

 

I was hoping for Shockey to get me at five points on that Mon. night football game. He got me two.

 

Shockey is a girly man who paints his toenails, and his idea of a locker room workout is picking his teeth after dinner

 

with balsa wood toothpicks.

 

In fact, I'm gonna go drop him like a hot rock today, with nobody else to pick up.

 

I should fire myself, but with our records this year, I can't get another coach to replace me. GGG

 

I wouldn't lose any sleep over it Cal. Fantasy Football doesn't always make sense so just find your best starters and run it. You outscored 2 teams that won and you also equalled the 90 point total of another team that won. I can't tell you how many times I've seen the 2nd or 3rd highest point total for the week end up on the losing end. What I can tell you is there is a team in the top 5 with a sum of 806 points at 6-5-1 while you have 1063 points sporting 2 less wins. I'd say he's lucky; but then I'd have to acknowledge he's had to win inspite of the absences of the following players: Brian Westbrook, Clinton Portis, Ronnie Brown and Chris Cooley. Now that's making it happen when it would have been real easy to let frustrations get the best of him and give up. This is the epitome of why/how ff can be a whole lotta fun for someone with competitive juice and impromptu problem solving skills.

 

Back to Shockey, toss him like a salad!

- Flugel

[Mr. T]

League 1 has been by far the most competitive league/season of FF I have ever played. This league can turn any which way but loose in the next 2 weeks. I lost Ronnie Brown and have scrambled to pick up replacement backs to fill the void. I only hope is thery keep producing. Its like walking a tightrope blindfolded at times.

 

Whereas in League 2 I have officially changed the name to the Fried Turkeys, with only 2 wins even having Adrian Peterson & Matt Schaub who seem to be excellent picks for FF the rest of my roster is filled with a bunch of Turkeys!

 

 

[lambdo]

Finally I Toyota'd someone! Just in time for the Playoff push!!

[Alo]

League 1 has been by far the most competitive league/season of FF I have ever played. This league can turn any which way but loose in the next 2 weeks.

If I'm reading things correctly, we've got four teams fighting for two playoff spots. And to make things more exciting, the four are matched up against each other next week (T vs. Flugs, Beanpot vs. Me).

 

Should be a very interesting week.

[Beanpot]

If I'm reading things correctly, we've got four teams fighting for two playoff spots. And to make things more exciting, the four are matched up against each other next week (T vs. Flugs, Beanpot vs. Me).

 

Should be a very interesting week.

 

Yeah, I trust Kathy will mention this in her write-up, but this last week should be nuts. Beyond the four teams you mentioned, the only guy to lock up a spot is playing the other team with a chance to make the playoffs. The fact that that matchup involves a father and son adds to the intrigue. This has been one hell of a year!

 

Beanpot

 

[Flugel]

Yeah, I trust Kathy will mention this in her write-up, but this last week should be nuts. Beyond the four teams you mentioned, the only guy to lock up a spot is playing the other team with a chance to make the playoffs. The fact that that matchup involves a father and son adds to the intrigue. This has been one hell of a year!

 

Beanpot

 

The competition was second none and the season has been a blast! Thanks Beans! Special thanks to Kathy and Heidi too for al their entertaining columns all year.

 

As for that father & son thing: All sons should love their fathers almost as much as they love winning. Would I be instigating if I reminded Jack about that allowance he never got? About that time he got grounded?

- Tom F.